Page 58 of All Your Pain

For now she’s locked herself away in her own head. I want to claw my way inside there with her so I know exactly what she’s thinking and feeling but I don’t know how. She knows I’m here for her, that I’m not going anywhere. Slowly she'll let me back in.She has to.

If I apologize, it might happen sooner. They’re just two little words.I’m sorry.But anytime I try to tell her them, they won’t come out.

I’m not sorry that she finally admitted how she feels. I was right all along and I should have been content with just knowing but for some stubborn reason I had to force the words out of her.Not just for me though. She shouldn’t be ashamed of her sexual desires. They’re natural and so fucking hot.

I hold her for as long as she needs. Eventually, she pulls away and gets up to find some fresh clothes to wear. Her hand hovers over the dresser for a few drawn out seconds before she pulls a t-shirt out. I immediately notice it's one of mine.

She has plenty of her own things now. There's no reason for her to keep wearing my clothes yet she's chosen mine. Chosenme.

Is she giving me a sign or am I reading too much into this?

If she hated me, surely the last thing she would want is to have anything of mine on her.

We’re getting there. It’s slow progress but it’s still progress. I’m not sure what I’d do if I lost her to that darkness I know so well.

I’ve spent days just like she is now, not wanting to do anything or even exist. Rather than spending my time in bed I spent it at the bottom of a bottle.

When my demons caught up to me I drank until I couldn’t hear their voices anymore.

Monster.

Devil.

Wrong.

So many spiteful words have been whispered in my ears from the ghosts of my past. I hear them less now and the few times that I do their words don’t carry the same weight as they used to.

I’ve not needed to get myself black out drunk in a long time but now I’m having to resist the urge to down a bottle of vodka and pass out in a puddle of self pity. Willow needs me now and nothing will stop me from being here for her.

I just need patience. If I push her too much she’ll retreat back into her shell again.

She stands by the window, staring out at the rain before she looks back at me. As she chews nervously on her bottom lip, her cheeks start to turn peachy again. My heart skips a beat.

Before she says anything she takes a breath like she needs to find the courage to ask whatever’s on her mind. I let her take her time.

“Can…can we go outside?”

That is not what I was expecting. At all. I look at the window and frown.

“Not to go anywhere, I just mean…can I just stand outside for a minute? I promise I won’t run or do anything wrong. You can put the chains back on me. Just, please, can I?”

My mouth goes dry.

Outside.

It’s not like anything can go wrong. My house is secure. When I bought it I had it fixed up so no-one but me would ever be able to get in. The only way in or out is through the front gate and we’ve already established she can’t escape that way.

For once in my life I don’t know what to say. With every second I stand here silent, I can see her closing back in on herself.

“Sure,” I say, hoarsely. Willow’s eyes light up and she practically bounces over to me, catching me off guard with her cuteness.

“Really?” I nod and she holds her hands out.What is she doing?“Umm, do you want to tie me up?” she asks.

Did I imagine the breathy way she said that?

My cock certainly seems to think there’s more than one meaning to her words.

Yes. Let me tie you up so you can never leave and I’ll fuck you until you’re completely mine again.