Page 88 of All Your Pain

"Do that again and I'll start removing parts," Dean hisses the warning into his ear. Then he pulls the knife out and presses it to Dad's cheek. "Understand?"

Dad nods profusely, his wide eyes fixed on me like I can actually save him from this.

If I want to fully accept Dean then I have to want all of him, this psychotic side included.

When he realizes I'm not telling him to stop, he grins wildly at me and my body buzzes to life. I take a breath and look away, only so I don't give in and let him fuck me right here. He must know exactly what I'm thinking because he chuckles darkly.

Directing my gaze towards my dad, I ask, “why did you treat me like I was nothing?”

“I was right, wasn’t I?" he asks, ignoring my question. "I knew you couldn’t survive without me. As soon as you’re out on your own, you're whoring yourself out to men like this.”

“That’s not what happened…,” I start to say but I stop myself. He doesn’t need to know anything about what’s happened between me and Dean. I’ve accepted what we have. I don't need him twisting it around to try and manipulate me.

“Did you treat Mom the same?” I ask and his eyes widen before he scowls again. He grinds his teeth together as he looks away like he’s holding something back.

“She asked you a question,” Dean says, moving the tip of the knife to just under his eyeball. Dad tries not to move but he’s trembling and his body is covered in sweat, it keeps dripping into his eyes and he blinks it away. When Dad doesn't answer, Dean drags the blade down, slowly slicing open his cheek. He howls and writhes in pain, making the cut worse.

“I’m sorry, okay! I’m sorry, just stop!”

I give Dean a nod telling him to hold off for now and Dad opens his mouth to hopefully give me the truth I deserve. “Your Mom…I gave her everything and she cheated on me. She ended up with you. Everyday you reminded me of what she did to me!”

The floor sways and I catch myself before I fall over. Dean comes to my side and cups my cheeks as he looks me over.

"You're pale," he murmurs. "Come on, you need to go lie down, we can finish this later."

“I’m fine,” I say to him. "I need to do this now." Then I turn back to the man I thought was my dad. “You’re not my father?”

He shakes his head and starts to cry. “No. I thought I was. We agreed to put my name on the birth certificate but I had a test done when you were a baby and found out you weren’t mine.”

“So you thought you’d just keep me and take out all your anger on me?”

“No, it wasn’t like that,” he says weakly. “I was so angry at your Mom, she was going to leave with you but we had a fight and I pushed her. It was an accident I swear. She tripped and then…she hit her head on the way down.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The police asked questions but I told them she was so sleep deprived looking after you that she lost her balance on the stairs and fell.”

The room spins again and I feel like I'm losing my grip on everything but then Dean's hands are on mine, grounding me. Giving me back the ability to seeeverythingclearly.

"Willow," he warns, concern straining his voice.

"Did you know?" I ask, my voice thick with grief for everything I thought I knew being a lie. Dean's shown me how capable he is of knowing everything about a person.Has he known all along about this?

"No. Your father's a good liar. The death certificate matches what he told you."

Snatching the blade from him I point it at the man in front of me. The man that’s made my life hell because of his lies. “You monster! You killed her! What about my real father? Did you get rid of him as well?”

“I don’t know who he is, I swear! Your Mom would never tell me.”

“Did he know about me?” The silence that follows my question tells me everything. I wasn’t wanted by either of myfathers.

“Baby, I can find out who he is, if that’s what you want,” Dean says in my ear as he places his hands on my waist.

Do I even want that?

No. I don’t think I do. Why would I want another man coming in and taking over my life again? He didn’t want me then so he doesn’t get to know me now.

“No. I only want you.” I drop the knife and turn to bury my face in Dean's chest. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I let myself lean into him but then I tense up again asHenrylaughs.