Page 97 of The Keeper and I
“Weren’t you? What about that lifetime of solitude you were so looking forward to?”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“How’s that?”
“Being alone wasn’t something I worked hard for, it was something I had resigned myself to. This job, Laci…you’ve been working toward this, putting effort into it. And you deserve to take that chance.”
“I don’t understand.” Her defiant shoulders dropped. “Do you want me to go?”
“No, of course not,” he said, putting his hands on her arms. “Especially since we don’t know when you’ll be back. I don’t want you to wake up in ten years and regret this.”
“Ten years from now, will I be waking up next to you?”
“God, I hope so.”
“Then I won’t regret it.”
His face softened for a fleeting moment before he frowned again. “Laci…”
“No, listen,” she said firmly, pointing her finger at his chest. “I’m not just saying this in the heat of the moment, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks. I love my job, and the US job is a great opportunity, but it’s not theonlyopportunity. I’ll find more jobs. There’s plenty here in London or other parts of Europe. But there is only one you.”
“But I—”
“I’m not finished!” He closed his mouth, though she swore she saw a hint of a smirk take over his lips. “My point is, I can imagine my future without that job. I’ll be fine. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine my future without you. It breaks my heart too much.”
She took a breath. “I love you, Jordan.”
His eyes went wide. She watched as every muscle in his body turned to stone, and he cut his gaze to the floor. She did not regret saying it. She meant it. She had been feeling it for long enough, and the realization that it was love was what had made up her mind about the job.
She loved him. More than any job, more than any dream.
“You don’t have to say it back,” she said gently. “It’s how I feel. That’s where my heart is.”
He stayed silent, eyes fixed on the ground. He was so still, she wondered if he was even breathing. When she was about to poke him to be sure, he cleared his throat.
“I, uh…” He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. “Do you, really?”
His eyes found hers, and behind his irises, she saw crippling doubt. She blinked, surprised.
“Is it so hard to believe?”
“A bit, yeah,” he answered through an uncomfortable laugh.
“Why?” she asked softly.
“You’re so kind and talented and beautiful—”
“You don’t think those things about yourself?”
“Fuck no. Maybe talented. I’m good at my job, but I never fucking dreamed that someone like you could actually…”
He looked away. She stepped into his line of sight and searched his gaze. His arms coiled around her waist as if drawn by magnets. His eyes were shining.
“Could actually love someone like me,” he finished.
“You see?” she said, reaching up to touch his face. “Dreams can change.”
He held her gaze for a long moment. Her heart hammered against her chest, willing him to say something, anything to assure her that he felt the same even if it wasn’t “I love you.” She meant it when she told him he didn’t have to say it back. But she had dangled her heart in front of him. All he had to do was take it.