Page 115 of First Surrender

“Give me some time, I’ll take a leave of absence, I’ll go with you.”

“Jackson, he needs time away from you. I’m sorry, but he’s confused. I have to do what’s best for him.” Her eyes don’t match the strength of her words but it doesn’t matter, it’s a punch to the gut anyway.

All I can picture is my favorite eight-year-old boy devastated by what I’ve done. The hurt he’s feeling is tearing me apart and it’s all my fault. I killed his dad.

My entire world is crumbling and I have no power to stop it. It feels like Declan won after all.

“You guys are leaving me,” I utter the realization, losing any lasting strength keeping me upright. My knees hit the floor hard.

She embraces me then, holding my head against her stomach. The place where I thought we’d be growing our family but instead, it’s over.

“I don’t want to go, Jackson. Please, believe me. I don’t want to leave you but I need to do what’s best for Dec. You have to understand. Please, don’t make this harder on me, I can’t take it,” she begs, crying through her words. “I lo-”

“Don’t,” I beg. “Don’t say those words, not now. Not if you want me to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” she whispers sadly against the top of my head. “I wanted a home with you, but I have to do this. We have to leave, please believe me.”

This is it, my heart is being ripped from my chest and the prophecy is fulfilled. I’m losing them and it’s killing me.

She kisses the top of my head gently and releases her hold on me, but all I can do is slump further to the floor as she walks away from me.

Watching her walk away from me is worse than death by a thousand cuts.

I’m losing the woman I love.

I’ve lost Dec.

I’ve lost my family.

Everything.

* * *

Natalie

We’ve barely made it a few hours north when my phone starts vibrating excessively in the passenger seat. After my phone got destroyed by Declan yesterday, I was lucky to have an old sparetucked away. It’s one of those survival techniques that I thought I was past by now. Always have a backup for when life turns to shit.

I glance at the screen, hardly containing the sob threatening to leave my throat. I can’t believe after everything we went through, it ended like this. I always assumed that he would screw up and break my heart, I never thought I’d be the one to break his.

Jackson: Missed Call

Jackson: Missed Call

Jackson: Let me know when you make it to NY safely. Tell Dec I’m sorry for everything and I love him. Please.

He loves Dec. I know he does but it doesn’t change the reality. Jackson killed Dec’s only living parent and now my brother is left to deal with the emotional aftermath. Even after explaining to him that it was my life or Declan’s, I know this is too much to expect a child to process.

That’s why we had to leave. I wasn’t going to force Dec to stay in a house with a man that he can’t even stand to look at. My mother did it to me numerous times growing up, but the situation was never quite as complicated as this.

So, I continue navigating to New York and hope that I’m making the right decision. I’ll get Dec the help that he needs to process his grief and I’ll give him time.

My feelings for Jackson are greater than anything I have ever known, but Dec will always be the priority.

I only hope he can forgive me for choosing my brother over him.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Natalie