Page 116 of First Surrender
“Dec, we’re here.” The nerves in my stomach are wound tight, I haven’t been able to eat at all today. Dec’s in the backseat sleeping and I’m relieved for the silence. It’s beentwo monthssince I’ve pulled into this pristine driveway.
New York offered ample distractions but the time passed painfully, for me.
I got Dec into an almost free summer camp sponsored by a local church and being around other kids helped him immensely. He didn’t have the chance to let his thoughts run away with him.
He’s a brand new kid, and his joy for each day is bright and infectious, so far from how he felt right after we left Lawson.
Luckily, I was able to contact my former culinary school counselor and she helped me re-enroll to get my missing credits. While Dec was at camp every day, I finally finished my culinary certification.
We talked about everything but we talked about Jackson a lot. It took Dec a few weeks to admit it, but he missed him.
I missed him terribly.
Between my classes and taking care of Dec, I didn’t get many chances to talk to him without my brother’s ears listening in.Especially when it seemed like everything felt worse after each phone call.
My heartbreak was amplified by the distance, not knowing if our separation would end.
Every day, I wanted to tell him it was only temporary but the truth was that I didn’t know if it was. It was Dec’s decision. I had committed to sacrificing my feelings for my brother’s sake, even though I was crumbling inside.
But last week he admitted he wanted to see his friends at school again and didn’t want to enroll in New York. When I asked him about coming home to Jackson he only needed a day to think about it before giving me the okay.
He was ready to come back to our home, here.
My fingers fidget nervously on the steering wheel as I park in the same spot I used to. His spot is empty because I didn’t tell him we were coming. Part of me wanted it to be a surprise, the other part was afraid that he’d tell me not to come.
He could have changed his mind. He told me once that he didn’t want me running anymore and that’s exactly what we did. We left him.
Dec yawns dramatically, stretching out in the back seat. He’s grown at least an inch since we’ve been gone, I can only imagine how much faster he’ll grow in the coming years. He glances out the window toward the house but we both sit in thoughtful silence for a few more minutes.
He wanted to come home but I know this might be hard for him.
“I’ll go see if the door’s open, grab your bag from the trunk and meet me inside when you’re ready,” I tell him gently, pushing aside my own nerves.
My steps to the front door are hesitant.
I never had a key, I only ever used the keyless entry. What if he changed the code?
What if there is a woman here? It’s been two months, he could have moved on…
I punch in the only numbers I know and exhale roughly when the lock flips automatically.
I push the door open and it’s exactly the same, smells the same, and the kitchen looks untouched. It’s like coming home after a long vacation.
I creep down the hallway to my old room and pause in the doorway. The yellow room is as bright as it was before.
“Sissy, what is this?” Dec asks from beside me, near his old room. A large, plush, cushion sits on the ground next to the computer.
“It looks like a dog bed.” The words are barely out of my mouth before I hear the unmistakable sound of a dog scampering across the hardwood floors.
“I got a dog,” Jackson’s breathless voice announces from the end of the hallway. “I saw your car pull into the driveway on my cameras. I broke every speed limit to get here,” he admits.
He looks exactly the same, except maybe ten pounds lighter, as if he hasn’t eaten properly in two months.
I choke back a sob just thinking about him being all alone in this house without us. “I should have called…” I breathe with relief as he takes a hopeful step toward me.
Jackson. Our Jackson.
“I’m just glad you came.” He takes another hesitant step in my direction but stops when Dec squeals with laughter. The red-haired hunting dog who found him in the woods that day is licking his face without mercy.