Page 58 of First Surrender
Will I have to say goodbye to Dec one day and expect not to see him again? And, her?
Now that they’re in my life, I can’t imagine not having them in it in some way. I don’t want to go back to the time when I didn’t know either of them, when I didn’t get to watch her shuffle from foot to foot, humming along to the music playing while she cooks.
“Where are you from?” I wonder out loud, admiring the contrast of her dark lashes against her ivory skin and the fullness of her lips. And the way her eyeliner always accentuates the brazenness in her eyes like a siren luring me in.
“Uh. Here?”
“No, I mean your heritage.”
“Oh. I don’t know—a mix of things I guess. My mom had blonde hair, and blue eyes like Dec but I got the dark features from my dad. I never knew who he was. My mom would never tell me.”
“My mom refused to talk about my dad, too.” Our poor single mothers.
“Your mom is so small, he must’ve been a giant.” She laughs softly at her statement.
“One time during a bad episode my mom rambled about her time working at the Governor’s estate. She let it slip about sneaking around with him, but that’s all I got from her. She might have had me from an affair with the Governor.” I laugh but Natalie looks at me like I’ve sprouted three heads.
“You never looked into it?”
“No, I’m sure it was crazy talk. I never took it seriously. It’s easier to pretend like my father never existed at all.”
“Have you ever thought about doing a DNA kit?” She asks, her eyes wide with wonder.
“No. Have you?”
“Yeah, I’ve looked into it. I had a classmate in culinary school who was this beautiful Eastern European girl. She had dark hair and high cheekbones, dark cat eyes. People would get us mixed up until she stood next to me. She was like 5’10 and a model.” She laughs. “I always kind of hoped that I had something cool in me. Greek, Native American, something Latin, I don’t know.
“I was too afraid to send off my DNA though and find out that I have a bunch of half siblings out there. I can barely manage to take care of Dec. If anyone else was out there in a worse situation I don’t think I’d have the capacity to handle it,” she admits.
“Yeah, I’ve thought about that too. There could be a whole family out there that I belong to and they don’t even know I exist. Or worse, they knew I existed and chose to ignore me.” I’ve never shared that fear with anyone.
“Exactly,” she whispers, plating the food.
“I’ll do mine if you do yours,” I challenge her.
“You’re kidding?”
“Why not?”
“My heart can’t handle it right now.” She shakes her head, dismissing the idea.
“Because of Dec?”
She bites her bottom lip, hesitating. “Yeah, I guess.”
I give her the benefit of the doubt and drop the conversation for now. If she changed her mind, I’d help her navigate whatever dirty secrets she’d discover with her ancestry. I’d probably ignore mine.
“I have a lawyer that a friend recommended. She’s said to be one of the best.”
“Really?”
“I even think she’d give us a friendly discount, too. I’ll set up a meeting.” She might not give a discount, but I’d also cover whatever she can’t afford. I can’t stand the thought of her going with someone less reputable because she can’t afford the best.
“Thank you, that’d be great. I’ve been holding my breath waiting for the phone call about Declan filing for custody. I haven’t heard a peep.”
“Maybe he’ll give up before he starts.”
“That doesn’t sound like him,” she huffs incredulously.