Page 151 of Mark
“Yeah, of course.”
I grimace. “Actually, is it okay if I head home? I’m really not feeling today.”
Summer sits up. “But it’s your birthday.”
“And I’m putting a damper on it with my mood,” I reply.
“Can you do that if it’s your own birthday?” Mercedes asks.
“It’s her birthday; she can be in whatever mood she wants,” Magnolia adds, pushing her glasses up her nose.
“I’ll come with you then,” Summer offers.
I force a smile. “Babe, we both know I’m going to curl up in bed with Mellow and do nothing. I love that you want to come back, but you should stay with your family.”
“But it’s your birthday.”
I laugh at her sad little pout. “And I’ll have another one next year. Honestly, this is what I want. I swear.” I tell her, reaching for my bag. “If you want me to pick you up in the morning, just call me and I can do that.”
She stands, rushing at me to give me a hug. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” I turn to Malia. “Thank you so much for dinner and for inviting us over.”
“Any time,” she replies.
“And the offer to egg your sister is still on the table,” Makayla offers.
I splutter out a laugh because she’s serious. So is Magnolia when she says, “If we boil those eggs we found for a few minutes, she’ll never be able to get the stench of rotten egg off her for a week.”
“I’ll see you all soon,” I call out as the girls get into a debate on what is the best way to egg someone.
Summer follows me out to the car. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come back? They won’t see it as me bailing on them but me being there for my best friend. My sister from another mister.”
“You’ve barely left my side since I came home. I love you for caring so much. But it’s fine. Your cousins are amazing and it’s clear they’ve missed you. Stay. Have fun. And make sure you have a few drinks for me.”
“Will you call if you don’t want to be alone?”
“I will.”
“I’ll message you later,” she promises as I get in the car.
I let out a sigh when I get inside the car. If I had told her why today has been so hard, she wouldn’t have let me go. I’ve pasted on a smile all day for her, for my mum, for my nanna, and even Summer’s cousins. But all I could think about washim.
Was he enjoying today? Was he thinking of me? Did he miss me?
Then the guilt would kick in. I had no right after how I treated him. I kept going over it in my head, and whilst my feelings and reactions were valid, my feelings for him, what we shared, I should have let that dictate my actions. I should have given him a chance. I should have known my sister was in the wrong. Even if he were to forgive me, I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve the way he made me feel.
*** *** **
All day I’ve wanted to be alone. Now I’m alone, all I want is my best friend, and I’m seconds away from grabbing my keys and my cat, and heading back to her cousin’s house.
I throw my head back against the sofa, laughing hysterically. When did I become this person? When did I let a man take so much control over me? When did I become so weak-minded?
“When you fell in love, you fucking idiot!” I grumble to myself. “Oh my god, I’m talking to myself.” I glance at my cat. “I’m seriously talking to myself. We need to get out of here.”
Fuck grabbing a change of clothes.
I get to my feet, grabbing Mellow and my keys. I have to get out of here. I have to. I am going to drive myself insane otherwise.