Page 105 of Hannah.
My mother sent me a few texts checking in, but I ignored them. I know she’s worried, and it makes me feel like the world’s worst daughter, but I don’t have the mental capacity for even a pleasant conversation.
I have a lull between classes when I get a text—this time, not from my mother but from Conrad.
Conrad:I’m not trying to be weird, but look behind you and to the left.
Confused, I do and see Conrad sitting on a bench with a book open in his lap. He’s smiling and raises a hand in greeting. A large part of me wants to give him a dismissive wave back and continue on my way, but I know that would be rude. He is in no way related to my misery, and there’s no reason for me to be unpleasant towards him.
Resigned, I paste on a smile and make my way towards him. It’s a lovely day despite the freezing air, and the sun is shining through the clouds. Conrad meets me halfway, his bag slung over his shoulder.
“Hey you,” he starts as we share a quick hug. “Care for a walk?”
I make a show of checking the time and then nod. “Sure, why not?”
Conrad doesn’t seem to notice that I’m not my usual chipper self. We walk a bit in silence, and then he stopssuddenly and turns towards me. “How are you doing? I’m sure you’ve...ah...heard the news by now.”
“Is that what you were trying to tell me the other day?” I ask, remembering how he walked me to class and the somber look on his face.
Conrad nods. “Yeah, but I wanted you to hear it from Astrid directly so it didn’t sound like gossip.”
I swallow and then say, “And I did.”
“Oh, so you spoke to her?” His eyes start scanning my face. “And how did it go?”
“She asked me to pick out envelope colors for her engagement party invitations.” I can’t help that distaste that creeps into my voice or the way saying the words makes my nose wrinkle up.
“And that...bothers you somehow?”
Conrad isn’t stupid. He's actually much more astute than I originally assumed, considering that he wanted to warn me about the engagement before I heard from anyone else. He has to know that things are more complicated between Johan, Astrid, and me than it appears from the outside.
“Yeah, it does bother me.” The urge to tell him the truth, to spill my guts to him, is strong, but I resist. It’d only end in more heartache, so I go the more logical route. “I mean…they were just casual, what, like last week? And now they’re engaged? Doesn’t that seem weird to you?”
Conrad frowns. “Well, maybe. I don’t know; honestly, their relationship is none of my business. Johan hasn’t really talked much about it. I know him, and when he makes up his mind about something, he goes full steam ahead. But Astrid is smart. If she’s okay with it, who are we to judge?”
“We're her friends,” I snap.
“Wow, okay. Why are you so pissed off?”
“Because…because…” I wave my hands in the air in front of us as we walk, trying to get a point across that I’m not even sure of yet. “Because there’s something wrong with this whole thing, Conrad! I know I’m not the only one who sees it. And I’m sick of people lying to me and hiding things.”
I don’t look at him, but out of my peripherals, I can see him turn his head to look at my profile and his dark brows drawn together in sympathy. Conrad takes a deep breath like he’s considering something and then makes up his mind.
“You’re right,” he says, casting a cautious look around us. “I heard Johan proposed because Astrid’s dad literally owns the Bentincks—financially, I mean.”
This stops me in my tracks, and when Conrad looks back at me, his expression is serious.
“What...what do you mean?”
He sighs, glances at both sides, and, stepping closer to me, he lowers his voice almost to a whisper. “The Viscount Goschen has a lot of money, likeridiculousamounts. Johan’s dad accumulated a lot of debts—to the point of almost going bankrupt, and Astrid’s father paid them off. It isn’t common knowledge, but my family runs in similar circles, and word has been going around. As soon as Astrid’s father cleared those debts, everyone assumed it was only a matter of weeks before Johan and Astrid announced their engagement. Why else would her family have done such a thing?”
I’m flabbergasted, steps stumbling and mouth hanging open as I try to make sense of it. Conrad fumbles in his bag and hands me a bottle of water, and I gratefully take a few sips while I collect myself. This is all new information to me. New and shocking.
“It doesn’t make any sense!” I finally manage to get out, an edge of hysteria in my voice. “No! I refuse to believe this, Conrad. What does buying debts have to do with marriage?”
“Well, Astrid gets the man she loves as her husband, and the Bentincks get their debts paid off and money flowing in. Sounds quite obvious to me.”
“That's horrendous!” I’m starting to see red, anger, and disbelief at both the Bentincks and Astrid’s father over what the plan is—or rather, was for Johan and Astrid. “And Johan is going along with it? Just like that?” All of a sudden, his distance and radio silence start to make sense. Could Johan...be hurting? Missing me the same way I miss him but unable to tell me? It’s an addictive thought that I can’t give in to right now. “No one should have to marry for the sake of money.”
Conrad laughs, bitterness creeping through the sound of it as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his beige chinos. “Welcome to the world of British peerage.”