Page 106 of Hannah.
I shoot him an incredulous glance. “I grew up among Dutch nobles, and I never met anyone not marrying for love.”
“Yes, but this is different,” he points out as we resume our walk. “It’s one thing to be the pampered child, doted on and loved. It’s another to be the heir and have everyone waiting for you to live up to their expectations.”
I hate to admit it, but he’s right. Suddenly, memories of my oldest brother, Andries, flood my mind. He was disowned for the simple crime of loving Roxanne. Dad didn’t even show up at their wedding. It makes me wonder how things might have unfolded if our family, like Johan’s, had been teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. “Fair enough, I guess,” I mutter, the initial shock of Conrad’s revelation beginning to ebb, giving way to a wave of understanding.
Then, another memory surfaces: my father attempting to pair Andries with the daughter of a high-status family while Andries was quietly pursuing Roxanne. Despite my initial belief to the contrary, I realize how similar these realities are.
I turn my full attention back to Conrad, who has been content to let me sort through my thoughts as we stroll through campus. An idea strikes me so hard that I can’t let it go. “Conrad, I need you to talk to Johan on my behalf. Can you do that?” I glance down and see the outline of his phone in his pocket. “Can you call him for me?”
Conrad inhales and then blows his breath out slowly. “Hannah, whatever you’re about to do, I’m sure it’s a mistake. Johan and Astrid are a good match. It benefits them both to go through with this.”
It’s not surprising that he’s responding like this, but I’m not done pushing. “But he doesn't love her!” I insist. “We’re supposed to be her friends, Conrad. How can you be okay with Astrid marrying someone who doesn’t love her?”
“Hannah,” His voice is gentle, a bit contrast with mine. “You don't have to pretend that she’s your main concern.” I try to push back, but he interrupts me and continues to speak. “Look, I know Johan. And I know you’re worried about him. He’s going to be fine. Once he gets married, the debts will be completely lifted, and his family will be able to financially recover. Once they are back on top again, he’ll either get a divorce or get a side chick…just like our king.” Conrad shrugs, and while he tries to sound light about everything, there is a weariness in the lines between his eyes.
I shake my head in disgust. “That’s revolting.”
Conrad chuckles, keeping his tone light and humorous. “That’s British nobility for you. Marriage for status, affairs for love.”
“Well, Johan deserves more than just the status,” I protest. “He deserves to find love and be happy.”
Conrad’s look is sympathetic, and it grates on my nerves. “Are you sure it's not just you who wants him to be happy and in love with you?”
My cheeks go pink, and my jaw drops at his words. “I want everyone to be happy, Conrad. Including Astrid.”
“Hm.” Conrad looks at me for a long moment. “Would she be happy if he told her exactly that? That he doesn’t love her and they both deserve real love and left her right now? Or would she be devastated?”
“She’d…she’d be okay. Eventually.”
He chuckles, head shaking. “I bet her dad would sue Johan’s whole family for breach of contract or something.”
“Breach of contract?” My mind is reeling, trying to catch up. Conrad is talking like all of this is just a business transaction. And…I suppose, in his mind, it is.
“Hannah, you worry too much.” He places a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. “At least the two of them liked each other well enough before all of this. Hell, they had a summer fling that was all their own decision. They will be fine.”
But Johan and Astrid liking each other isn’t enough. I think of Johan’s face, smiling in the morning light as he lay in bed next to me. The sensation of his lips on my skin, trailing down my neck. The way he whispered my name like a prayer….
Something is building inside of me. A fire. A purpose, all wrapped in typical Van den Bosch stubbornness.
Conrad is not going to be my ally in this crusade, but he isn’t an enemy, either. He’s a friend, one who is trying to help me in the only way he knows how. Conrad can only advise me through the lens of the world he has grown up in. He thinks everything he’s saying is normal and acceptable. That isn’t his fault. It might shock and upset me to hear him try to brush this all off as some expected thing, but Conrad isn’t saying it to hurt me.
“Walk me back to my dorm,” I tell him finally. “I have a lot of things to think over.”
Conrad moves the conversation to easier things—my classes, current world news, and music. He’s easy to talk to, and by thetime we make it to my building, I realize he has helped me calm down and get out of my head a bit.
“Thanks for everything,” I say as we stand in front of the building entrance. “I appreciate you looking out for me.”
“Anytime, Hannah.” He smiles and gestures towards the door. “Go on, take some time to decompress. I'll be around if you need me, okay?"
I nod and go upstairs, back into my dorm. There, I make a cup of tea and sit on my bed, curled up with my phone and contemplating my next move. Filled with resolve, I unblock Johan and call him before I can chicken out.
I’m not surprised when he doesn’t answer, but this time I leave a voicemail. “I know why you proposed to her. Johan, you’re making a huge mistake. I can help you! Please pick up the phone.”
I try to call again a few times, finally sending him a text with the same message as my voicemail before finally deciding that enough is enough. If he isn't brave enough to face me over the phone, then he’s just going to have to face me in person. And if Astrid is there this time, then I’m just going to have to make her leave. Because this conversation is going to happen, whether the two of them like it or not.
According to Johan’s schedule, he’s at his office in the archaeological department for the next few hours, so that’s where I go. Determination keeps my spine straight and my mind focused, even when I arrive and one of the faculty members pulls me aside before I can get to the back part of the building where I know Johan is.
“Miss,” he tells me, stepping into my path while looking sheepish, “may I help you with anything?”