Page 109 of Hannah.
The knife glidesthrough the steak with ease, the well-cooked meat parting smoothly under the sharp blade. I watch the juices seep out, forming a small pool on the porcelain plate. The clink of cutlery against china punctuates the otherwise quiet room, a backdrop to the storm brewing in my mind. Hannah’s voice, her hurt, is still fresh, echoing in my thoughts.
Astrid sits across from me, her delicate fingers wrapped around the stem of her wine glass. She takes a sip, her eyes watching me over the rim. Her lips painted a deep red leave a faint mark on the glass. She sets it down gently, the soft clink almost inaudible.
Since our engagement, Astrid and I have been having dinner together almost every evening. It’s one of her many rules—including no contact with Hannah—to ensure we’re building our future together.
As much as I try to focus on the present, the routine feels more like a chore than a bonding experience. Tonight is no different, the familiar setting of my dining room andthe meticulously prepared meals becoming another part of the script I’m obliged to follow.
“I was thinking about the color scheme for the engagement party,” she begins, her voice light and airy. “Maybe a combination of ivory and gold, with touches of blush pink. And for the flowers, we could have roses, peonies, and some lilies. What do you think?”
I nod, chewing slowly. “That sounds nice.”
Astrid’s eyes sparkle with satisfaction. “I knew you’d agree. It will be so elegant and sophisticated.”
She takes a sip of her wine, savoring the taste. I follow suit, the rich flavor of the wine doing little to ease my unease. The conversation drifts to other details—the guest list, the menu, the music. I nod and agree at the right moments, but my mind is elsewhere.
A long pause settles over the table; the only sounds are the clink of cutlery and the occasional soft murmur of the city outside. Astrid seems to be pondering something, her eyes distant as she stares at her plate.
Finally, she looks up, her gaze sharp and curious. “What did Hannah want?”
I glance up, surprised. “How did you know she came to my office?”
Astrid’s lips curve into a knowing smile, her eyes sparkling with a mix of amusement and something darker. “I know everything about what’s going on in your life, Johan.”
A sense of unease settles over me at her words, but I maintain my composure, offering a small nod. “She just wanted to know why I stopped talking to her and started ignoring her.”
Astrid’s eyebrows arch slightly, her interest evident. “And what did you tell her?”
I place my knife and fork down, the cutlery crossing on the plate. I meet her gaze, my voice steady. “I told her the truth. That I’m now engaged to you and I want to focus on our relationship.”
Astrid’s smile widens, genuine satisfaction in her expression. She lifts her glass again, taking a long sip before speaking. “Good. That’s exactly what she needed to hear.”
I follow suit, taking a sip of my own wine. The rich, full-bodied flavor is a stark contrast to the numbness I feel. The silence between us stretches, filled only by the ambient sounds of the room.
“Now, about the engagement party,” Astrid says, breaking the quiet, her voice light and excited. “I want to host it at Goschen Hall. It’s the perfect venue.”
I nod, the motion almost mechanical. “That sounds fine.”
Astrid’s eyes narrow slightly, but she doesn’t press the issue. “We’ll have to invite all our friends, family, and, of course, some important business associates. It’ll be a grand affair.”
I force a smile, reaching for my wine glass again. “I’m sure it will be wonderful.”
She continues to talk, her voice a soothing murmur. I try to focus, to catch the details of her plans, but my mind keeps wandering back to Hannah. The pain in her eyes, the hurt in her voice. I take another sip of wine, hoping it will dull the ache.
“Johan, are you listening?” Astrid’s voice cuts through my reverie, sharp and insistent.
I blink, refocusing on her. “Yes, sorry. Just thinking about work.”
Her expression softens, her hand reaching across the table to rest on mine. Her touch is warm, her fingers soft. “You work too hard. You need to relax and enjoy this time. We’re celebrating our engagement, after all. It should be the happiest time of our lives.”
I squeeze her hand gently, offering another forced smile. “You’re right. I’ll try to relax.”
Astrid beams, pleased with my response. She resumes her planning, her excitement palpable. I watch her, the way her eyes light up, the way she gestures with her hands. She’s beautiful, poised, everything I should want in a fiancée. But the emptiness inside me grows.
The evening wears on, and the wine bottle gradually empties. By the time we finish dinner, Astrid is buzzing with plans and I’m numb with the weight of my choices. As I clear the table, Astrid wraps her arms around me from behind, her breath warm on my neck.
“We’re going to have an amazing life together, Johan,” she whispers.
I nod, swallowing hard, and remain silent.