Page 20 of Love Delayed
Chapter Seven
Zamora
When I opened my eyes and saw I was still in the hospital, the reality hit me that last night wasn’t a dream.I lost mybaby.I immediately started to sob, but my crying was interrupted by my need to relieve my bladder. So, I threw back the covers and headed to the bathroom, walking with blurred vision and shaky legs. I held on to the wall rail with one hand while using my other hand to push down the hospital-issued panties and pad, so I could sit on the toilet. Looking down, I realized I had on a soiled pad, but there wasn’t another one in the bathroom for me to change it. I sat there for a few moments and got myself together, drying my face with my gown before pressing the call button for the nurse. I began to pray for strength. I needed the Holy Spirit to strengthen me to move forward because, at that moment, I didn’t have a clue why the Father had taken my baby from me. When the nurse finally came in, she was kind and even helped me back into my bed.
“The doctor will be in to talk to you in about an hour, and the breakfast menu is there on the nightstand. Be a good patient and make your selections,” she said with a dimpled smile.
“I don’t want to eat,” I replied dryly.
“I know, Mrs. Watts, but you need to eat something, even if it’s only something light. If you display any abnormal behavior, these doctors will try to make you look crazy,” the nurse said and winked. “I’m sure you’d rather be home with your family than in here with them making you sicker than you are,” she added with a tiny laugh.
I knew exactly where she was coming from. Nowadays, many doctors are more concerned about how much they can bill the patient and insurance companies than about caring for the person.
I picked up the menu and ordered breakfast, even though I knew I wouldn’t eat it. The doctor came in shortly after I had finished playing with my food. I assured her that I was mentally okay to go home, and she informed me that she would process my discharge papers.
After another crying spell, I pulled myself together the best I could and called my sister.
“Hey, Zee,” she answered with a lively pitch.
Not wanting to ruin her day with my situation, I took a few deep breaths and tried to sound as casual as possible.
“Hey, big sis. Is this a good time?”
“It’s a perfect time. I just finished my spin class and showered. Now that I’m energized, I’m thinking about giving Josh some early afternoon head,” she shared.
I covered my face with my palms and shook it. I did not want to ruin her high with my unfortunate news, but I needed her. I would tell my parents and Evan later. Right now, I just needed my sister.
“Wow! Well, as amazing as all those things sound, Big Nasty, I am at Mercy in the city and need you to pick me up if you can,” I said, getting straight to it.
“At Mercy? Sis, are you okay? When did you go to Mercy? Last we talked, you had an engagement party to cater. What happened?” she rattled off quickly with concern.
“I should be released soon, sis. Just come, and I’ll talk to you when you get here.”
“Zee, I can’t drive on pins and needles. Now tell me what in the hell is going on? Are you okay?” she asked again, sounding even more worried.
“No, I’m not okay, sis,” I replied, my eyes welling up. “I’m not. I lost my baby and I need you.” Repeating those words caused tears to spill from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. “Please just come, sis. I’m getting released soon and haven’t talked to Ev, Mama, or Dad. Just come right away, please. Okay?”
As much as I tried to control my waterworks, I couldn’t.
“Of course. Hang tight, lil sis. I’m on my way,” she confirmed and ended the call.
When I put my phone down, I allowed myself to cry while wondering if I would ever get over the loss of my baby. I finally calmed down after a few minutes and dried my face with the napkins on the table that once housed my breakfast tray.
The door opened after a soft tap, and it was the doctor with my discharge papers. As I scribbled my initials and signature on all the highlighted spaces, she stressed again that I could talk to someone if I needed to and suggested I follow up with my OB-GYN in six weeks. She assured me that I could take my time vacating the room, and it hit me that I needed something to wear. I quickly called my sister, and even though she was en route, she said she’d run to the nearest store to grab something for me to wear. When she walked in with a Target bag, I smiled.
“Thank you,” I told her.
“Anytime, lil sis,” she said, smiling back.
Within seconds, she was holding me, and I did all I could not to cry again. Again, I was unsuccessful.
“His will, will always be done,” I said through tears.
My sister, who was a non-believer, didn’t reply. Over the years, I had tried to show her the truth in the Messiah and our Elohim, but she was her own person. Still, I loved her without judgment.
“Have you talked to Evan? Does he know, sis? Why isn’t he here?” she inquired, frowning.
“No, I didn’t tell him, Zar. Not yet. I had to process this first and make peace with it, but I wish with every bone in my body this wasn’t real. For years, Ev and I tried to conceive with no success. Then he cheats and allegedly gets another woman pregnant, destroying us. Then we shared one night after months of not having sex, and boom––we made a baby. Now, here I am, Zar. My baby is gone. I…I…I don’t understand. This may have been my last chance to be a mother, be married, or even fall in love again. Damn, what have I done so wrong in my thirty-plus years to have lost the love of my life, my baby, and be played by Evan’s goofy, cheating ass?” I cried.