Page 21 of Love Delayed

“Stop it. Don’t say shit like that, Zee. You will fall in love again, get married again, and have kids. I don’t believe in your so-called God, but if He is real, He will come through for you because you are an amazing person who serves and praises Him. Don’t feel defeated. The universe is not cruel to good people. You give good, so good will come back to you. That is what I believe, lil sis,” she said sincerely.

Even though she didn’t believe in my Abba, she gave credit to the universe. I appreciated her for being there for me.

“Just like you believe in the universe and science, I believe in Yah. So, I know you’re right. I have to continue to pray for understanding. Why did this happen to me? Why did I run into Marcus in Vegas? I tried to be a great wife, but Evan broke my heart. Now, the only man I have ever truly loved is getting married.”

“Come on, lil sis. Let’s get you dressed so we can get out of here,” she said with eyes that let me know she sympathized with my pain.

Once we made it to my house, Zaria stayed with me for a few hours to make sure I was okay. During our drive back, I decided I would go to my parents the next day to tell them the news. I just didn’t feel up to it that day. After my sister left, I waited for Evan to come home so I could talk to him, but by midnight, I called it a night.

As soon as I was settled in my bed, thoughts of him invaded my mind––thoughts I tried hard to keep at bay. A sense of overwhelming loneliness engulfed my mind and body. I closed my eyes tight and prayed for the Most High to erase the yearning for Marcus from my thoughts and heart, but my prayers weren’t answered. My mind, body, and soul were weak for him. I still ached for him despite knowing he now belonged to another woman, and we had zero chance of getting back together. Yet here I was in a loveless marriage with a man who didn’t give a damn about me,andI lost my baby. Why was this my punishment when I was true to the relationship?

“Damn!” I yelled, wanting to hit something to ease the aggravation I felt.

I had to admit I had made poor decisions. I left Marcus when I could have stayed, especially since he would’ve helped me pay for school if I had asked. Then, I married Evan when I knew I was in love with the idea of marriage and not truly in love with him. Truth is, I never trusted him. Evan had always been an outgoing socialite who loved entertaining others, and I knew that included entertaining other women. I guess I tried to fool myself into believing I could one day love him as deeply as I loved Marcus.

Damn, Istill love Marcus. But why, when I know he’llbe getting married in thirteen months??

I hopped out of bed and got on my knees. I prayed to the Father to remove any feelings I had for Marcus, then climbed back into bed. Before I drifted off to sleep, I heard the front door and the sound of Evan disarming and then resetting the alarm system. I glanced at the clock; it was 2:29 a.m. I didn’t care where he had been or what he had been doing. Unbothered, I shut my eyes and prayed for sleep.

The following morning, I woke up later than usual, and I wasn’t surprised because I went to bed extremely late. I was grateful I had no appointments or obligations that day, but my staff went in to work because they had a heavy clean-up from the engagement party that Saturday. I assured them I would be back before our scheduled contracts that Thursday. Physically, I felt good, but emotionally, I was destroyed, and I welcomed the cries and breakdowns so I could grow stronger.

That evening, I cooked dinner and waited for Evan to come home so I could tell him about the baby. Again, he didn’t walk through the door until after midnight. I didn’t want to talk about it that late, but he needed to know, and I honestly wanted him out of the house. So, I went to his door and tapped.

“Zee, it’s late, and I have an early morning,” he gripped, irritated by my interruption.

“So do I, but this is important,” I countered.

I heard him release an annoying breath before saying, “Come in.”

Wanting to get this over with, I quickly pushed open the door and moved in the dark until I was standing by his bed.

“I wanted to tell you last night, but you came home late.”

He chuckled. “You want to comment about me coming home late after your ass didn’t come home at all Saturday night? I’m just matching your energy. I thought we could share this space respectfully, but if you want to pull all-nighters out in these streets, so can I,” he served back.

I couldn’t get angry; I didn’t call to let him know anything that night. So, he had good reason to feel the way he did. Even though he didn’t reach out to me, I could understand his point.

“Look, Ev, I wasn’t out Saturday night whoring or living my life like it was golden at some lounge or nightclub. I was at Mercy. I lost our baby that night and was too distraught to call you, and last night, I was too exhausted to get up and talk to you by the time you finally came home.”

“You what? What happened?” he inquired with what sounded like genuine concern mixed with disbelief.

“I was on a job. I felt discomfort and was rushed to the ER. After the examination, the doctor told me the baby was gone. They kept me overnight.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Zamora? What in the fucking hell?!” he roared. “Why did you go through that alone? Why did you think for a damn second that I wouldn’t want to be there?

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking about you or how you would feel. I was beyond devastated and had a lot of questions for the Most High. I just needed to feel it and process it alone,” I answered and then said, “You can’t continue to stay here. You have to figure something else out, or I’ll go. This setup is no longer working for me, Evan. This is not a life I want for myself, and I don’t want things to get ugly between us now that there is no baby.”

He rubbed his hand over the top of his head and then down his face. “I’m saddened and sorry we lost our baby, Zee, and I mean that on everything,” he expressed, then lowered his head. “But I suggest you figure something out because I’m not going anywhere. I want to keep the house. I need more time and won’t be rushed to vacate!” he declared.

Stunned but certainly not surprised, I replied, “Okay, I’ll be out soon. Goodnight.”

Pissed, I vacated the guest room and marched to the main room. I paced for a few moments, and then it hit me that I was no longer pregnant. So, I went for the wine. I poured a glass of red, drank it in one gulp, refilled it, and went to my bedroom with the bottle in hand. After polishing off the whole bottle, I dropped to my knees and prayed. My Father was all-knowing. Even through my heavy sobs, I knew the holy spirit would intervene for me. With that thought in mind, I fell into a deep wine-induced sleep.

Chapter Eight

Marcus

My mother didn’t answer my calls the night before, but I didn’t sweat it. I felt the conversation I wanted to have with her needed to be had in person. So, after my third call attempt, I put my phone down and focused on the road. I tried with all my being not to think of Zamora, but it was like memories were hitting me one after another. I thought about the day we met. It was our senior year of high school, and she was working with a local catering company. I was hanging around my family’s hotel, helping here and there like always, and we collided while she was transporting empty pans back to the kitchen.