Page 119 of Killian De Luca

Not just hearing her say that but hearing everyone say that because they aren’t wrong.

I’m leaving them and I can’t control it.

“Mom,” Killian says from above me. I asked him to cuddle with me because as much as I love Ace’s cuddles, I love Killian’s hugs. Killian rarely shows affection but when he does, it always means so much. “I don’t want to let you go,” he whispers in my ear.

I’m lying my head against his chest, hearing Reign’s heartbeat.

He doesn’t call it his heart; he says it’s Reign’s because it makes him feel closer to her.

It’s been three years since she passed, and my Killian still has that cold heart he developed. There is only one thing that can mend it and it’s his baby girl.

I just have to encourage him to be strong enough to get her back.

He’s had so much heartbreak in his life, and I feel horrible for leaving him in this world.

But I know he can do it, he’s strong.

My boy has been through so much from going through so many health issues as a child, losing his friend in high school, and then losing the love of his life and daughter now.

I look up at Killian, trying not to tear up. “I love you so much, Killian.” He looks down at me with sadness in his eyes. “I shouldn’t say this, but I love you more than your sister, more than your dad. More than anything in this world.” I put my hands on his face. “You have to know that no matter what happens, I’ll always love you just a little more, because you deserve a little more. I wish that you could have your happy ending and be with whoever you want to be with. If I could, I would have sacrificed myself instead of Reign,” I say, making a tear finally fall from his eye. “I believe that I was put on this earth to have you and love you. Everything has been leading to you, Killian. I just need you to know you mean so much to me. You’re going to do such great thing-”

Killian shakes his head. “No. Not without you. It’s just hard mom. I can’t lose you too,” he says as a tear falls from his eyes. “I’ve just lost so much and I’m at the end of the fucking bridge mom. If I lose you, I don’t know what else to do. I won’t have anything to live for anymore.”

“But you do, Killian.” I smile up at him. “You have your daughter.”

Killian shakes his head. “I can’t. That’s too much, mom. That’s too hard.”

I smile softly at him. “You can do anything, Killian. You can get your daughter back and be a good dad and man that I taught you to be for her. Just promise you’ll do this for me Killian. I need you to have someone.”

Killian licks his bottom lip and lets out a shaky breath before nodding his head.

We don’t talk for the rest of our time together. He lets me hold him as he sleeps on my chest. I feel his heart with my hand and hold him extra tight, never wanting to let him go.

My poor boy, who’s been through so much, deserves a better life.

Killian eventually ends up leaving and I tell him to bring his dad in.

Ace and him are still not on talking terms and Killian is still not living in the house.

Ace tries to make up for it, but Killian is a firecracker and if you get on his bad side, it takes a while to get back in his graces. Ace fucked up with Killian and I scolded Ace for it because Killian didn’t deserve any of that. I would have stopped Ace if I knew what was happening but unfortunately, I don’t have that power anymore.

Ace walks in and I can’t help but start tearing up.

Ace’s eyes are puffy, and he looks like he’s been crying.

Ace De Luca.

My husband, the dad of my kids, my enemy, tormentor, my savior, and my forever always.

“Come here,” I say, making Ace strip to his briefs before sliding into bed with me and wrapping his arms around me. When I rest my head on his chest that’s when I start crying. “It’s so hard, Ace.”

“I know,amore,” Ace whispers as he kisses my forehead. “Love is poison.”

I nod my head and can’t help but cry into his chest. “It’s a menace.” I lick my lips and look up at Ace. “I’m so scared. I don’t want to die.”

“I know,” Ace says as a tear falls from his eye. “Trust me, I know.”

“You need to make up with Killian. However, you can, I need you to do it because if you don’t, I can’t leave knowing that he isgoing to do something stupid. He won’t tell you or anyone, but he needs you, Ace. He needs his dad. No matter how much he pushes you away, please never stop being there for him. I can’t have him lose you.”