Page 42 of Possessing Paisley
Paisley balls her fist, her mouth turned down in disgust. “What a fucking cunt. I’d like to get my hands on her for a minute.”
The tension radiating inside me disappears instantly, replaced by a newfound adoration for her. I almost laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone want to protect me before. It’s always been the other way around. She never needs to worry about me, but her wanting to means the fucking world to me.
Laughter shakes my whole body. “My fierce Little demon.”
She bobs her head. “I am fierce. I’ll scratch her eyes out. Then. I’ll take her to Cali’s fishpond and shove her in.”
Jesus Christ. Who knew this one would be as unhinged as me? I fucking love it. She’s perfect. Everything I need in a woman.
I squeeze her gently. “Easy, baby. She’s long gone, and I’m over her. I’ve been bitter ever since, though. Never wanted to trust a woman again. Until I met you. You’re so fucking real, and it’s refreshing. You don’t blow smoke up my ass, you don’t make things easy for me, you don’t take my shit, you aren’t afraid to look me right in the eye while you tell me to fuck off.”
She winces. “That kind of makes me sound horrible.”
“No, baby. It makes you sound strong. And real. And brave. I don’t know what happened in your past, but it carved you into the beautiful warrior you are today. You survived by being a strong badass, and I’d rather have you telling me to fuck off because that makes you feel safe than bowing at my feet just to make me happy.”
Her bottom lip trembles as she stares at me for a second before pinning her gaze to a spot on the headboard just to theside of my head. Whatever she’s about to say is going to be heavy and emotional. I want to absorb it all so she doesn’t have to hurt. “My parents were drug addicts. My brother and I; we grew up doing what we had to do to survive. We were close. Always looked out for each other. When our parents were home, they were locked in the only bedroom of our tiny apartment, high off their asses. The only reason they had us was so they could collect welfare to buy their drugs. My dad barely knew my name. He just called me, ‘hey, you.’”
Every bit of bliss disappears, replaced with rage that burns so hot I’m trembling inside. Her parents will fucking answer to me for what they did to her. How could anyone treat their kids that way? It’s horrendous, and my heart breaks for young Paisley. She deserved so much more. She deserved the fucking world.
“When Daniel and I got older and went to school, we were made fun of because of the ratty clothes we wore. My hair was always a mess. Of course, my parents moved us around frequently from one shitty place to another since they spent all their money on drugs instead of rent, so we were never in one school long enough for the teachers to realize what was going on. Even with all the shit at home, Daniel and I were straight-A students. It’s easy to overlook the kids who get good grades and don’t cause any problems. We were invisible.
“We were in high school when my dad took Daniel to pick up some drugs with him. He forced my brother to try crack while they were at the dealer’s house. After that, Daniel started getting high with my parents. So, I was left alone while the three of them did their thing. As soon as I turned sixteen, I got a job and worked while going to school, taking every possible shift I could so I didn’t have to go home. Every single paycheck my parents took. Instead of buying groceries or paying the rent, they bought drugs.
“I tried to be the good daughter. I tried to take care of the house and make dinners out of anything we had. I tried to make them better and get them to love me. I can’t even remember a time either of my parents hugged me.”
“Jesus Christ, baby.” I squeeze her tighter, my grip bruising, but I can’t let go. I’ll never fucking let go.
I can’t fathom a life like that. My father was a leader in the mafia, doing all kinds of illegal shit, but he still put me first. My mother wasn’t as present as I wished she was, but whenever weweretogether, she was loving.
“Daniel changed into a completely different person when he started doing meth. He became a stranger to me. We were less than a year apart in age. I was six months from my eighteenth birthday and already had scholarships secured for college. All I had to do was get through the last two semesters of school, and then I’d be able to leave for college to live in the dorms. My parents were gone one day, and Daniel,” she says, her voice trembling and her body starting to shake, “um, he was high, and he was acting stranger than usual.” I take several slow and deep breaths, trying desperately to hold on to my control for the moment so she can finish.
I’m terrified of what she might tell me. Her own brother did something to hurt her. Whether it was emotionally or physically, it’s unacceptable.
“He started making comments about needing a lot of money. He kept pacing and mumbling under his breath about something. I asked if he was okay, and he looked up at me, surprised, like he’d just realized I was there. He told me to give him all my money, but I didn’t have any. He didn’t believe me and started screaming that he would kill me if I didn’t give him money. I tried to leave, but he grabbed me and shoved me against the wall. I was so scared. The person in front of me wasn’t Daniel. It was like he was a possessed monster. I foughthim, but he was stronger. We scuffled and fell to the ground. I saw the heavy glass ashtray that my parents always kept on the coffee table out of the corner of my eye. I hated that thing. It was always overflowing with cigarette butts. I grabbed it and hit him over the head with it. Then I ran. I never went back. I knew if I did, I’d be dragged into that life, and I wanted more for myself. I didn’t care what happened to my parents, but I’ve missed Daniel every day since. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive or in prison. He loved me once, but drugs made him a different person.”
Tears roll down her cheeks as she shakes in my grasp, and I can’t hold on any longer. I yank her against my chest and crush her with my embrace, burying my face into her silky hair. My girl. My sweet girl. Those assholes tried to break her, but she was too fucking strong. I’m so proud of her for doing what she had to do, but I’m devastated and pissed that she had to go through all of that.
“Never again, Paisley. No one will ever hurt you again. I’m going to fucking kill him. And your parents for not protecting you or loving you the way you deserved.”
She cries harder, holding onto me for dear life. The entire time, I make silent promises to avenge her. To make anyone who ever hurt her pay.
“Daddy’s got you. I’ve got you, Little one.”
When she quiets, she doesn’t immediately pull away. Instead, she relaxes into me. “I’ve always taken care of myself, Kieran. I’ve always protected myself. I met Chloe on the first day of college, and she took one look at me and could tell I was in bad shape. She bought me clothes and toiletries, and she never made me feel less than. She just loved me without conditions. She’s the only one who ever has.”
Until now.
I won’t say it. Not yet. She’s barely trusted me enough to open up to me. The last thing I want is to scare her away bydeclaring that I’m in love with her and going to marry her one day. God, the guys are going to have a fucking field day with me. Maybe I should move.
“You don’t have to take care of yourself anymore, baby. You don’t have to protect yourself anymore. Let Daddy do those things. Let me take the lead so you can just have fun and live a happy life knowing I’ve got you.”
She sits up to face me, her cheeks blotchy from crying. She still looks as beautiful as ever.
“We’re both damaged, Kieran. We both have trust issues. To expect this to last is ridiculous. You’ll grow tired of me giving you attitude, and I’ll probably fight you on everything because I’m used to being in control of my own life. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
My chest squeezes to the point of pain, and panic creeps over me. She’s trying to push me away. I won’t let that happen. She’s mine, whether she likes it or not. “You’re right, baby. We have issues. I’m a controlling asshole who will want to run your entire life, and you’ll have issues allowing me to do that and trusting that I’m here to stay. But if you need to fight me on everything, I’ll fight harder to show you that I care. You’ll have an attitude, and I’ll spank it out of you until you understand that’s the only thing that will happen when you act out. And as far as disasters go, it might be an epic one, but it’s going to be a beautiful fucking one, too, because it’s us. I’m all in, Paisley. All fucking in. And baby, I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
She stares at me, her eyes wet and shimmering under the soft light. “How can you be so sure about us?”