Page 39 of The Dragon Queen
I considered the question with my eyes on the horizon, and I felt his stare on my face. “I don’t miss the work because I’ve never been a pirate at heart, but I’ll always miss my crew.”
He gave a slight smirk. “What will you do once this is over?”
The memories of our camaraderie vanished at the question.
“There will be an after, Talon.” His tone deepened as the seriousness set in. “I’ll tie her up on my ship and sail her there myself if I have to.”
I looked away as I tried to dismiss this conversation. “Let’s not speak of it here.” Queen Eldinar was on the same ship. It would be impossible for her to solve the vague riddle, but her intelligence and intuition shouldn’t be doubted.
Ethan didn’t speak of it again.
I went below deck and joined Calista at the little table in our quarters. She’d spoken so calmly about the battle the last time we’d talked about it, but the stress seemed to have gotten to her. She was quiet and withdrawn, absent-mindedly twirling the same strand of hair indefinitely.
Our passion had slowly dimmed as we progressed farther south. Now it seemed absent altogether, the stress and the dread so potent, they dampened all other emotions. Instead of spending our final nights locked in the throes of passion, we felt nothing at all. It pained me, but I also knew it was better this way. “Baby.”
Her fingers left her hair, and she looked at me, like it was the first time she realized I was there. Her eyes found mine, but they didn’t have their usual fire of determination or desire.
The conversation needed to be had, and I’d put it off as long as possible. “There’s something I need to tell you, and I’d appreciate it if you let me say it without interruption. Otherwise, I may not be able to finish.”
The seriousness of the topic made her stiffen noticeably. Whatever her worries were a moment ago just got worse. Her eyes resembled those of a frightened animal that was being hunted in the dark, a silent plea in the stare.
“Can you do that?”
She didn’t acknowledge the question physically or verbally. She just looked more horrified by the topic.
“When the battle descended upon my kingdom, I knew that I would die and Vivian would live. But fate was brutally unkind and switched our places. In the stress of the battle and our rushed parting, a lot of things weren’t said that should have been said.”
“Talon…”
I breathed a slow breath. “Please don’t make this harder for me.”
Her eyes started to water, but she didn’t speak again.
“We haven’t wed, but if I had the chance to make you my wife, I would. I would give anything to have Vivian’s blessing, to know if she would want me to move on…or if she hates me for letting her die. When I said goodbye to her in the hope she would sail far away and start a new life, I knew there would be a man to replace me. To raise my daughter just like his own children. I never told her that, but she had my blessing to love again. So, in the event that I don’t survive…”
Her eyes watered further, and she struggled to keep her words back.
“I want you to know you have my blessing.”
The tears became too heavy and streaked down my cheeks.
“I’d want you to fall in love again and have children and be happy.”
“Talon…please don’t do this to me.”
“I just don’t want you to wonder how I feel. To wonder if it’s okay to move on.”
She wouldn’t look at me, her eyes wet and miserable.
“I never thought I would love another woman as long as I lived, but I do. And if I can love someone else besides Vivian, then you can love someone else besides me. It’ll take time, but it’ll happen. And please be happy when it does happen?—”
Calista abruptly rose from the chair. “You’ve said your piece.” With a tearstained face, she left the quarters and slammed the door behind her.
I remained in the chair at the table and clenched my eyes shut to make it go away, to make the moment pass into a bad memory. Perhaps she thought I said those things to torture her, but I said them because I feared she would need them someday.
“That was very touching.”
I opened my eyes and looked at the surface of the table. There were scratches in the surface from the point of a pocketknife. As with anytime I felt his presence, my heart started to race inside my rib cage. Tendrils of disgust and hatred crawled through my body and my extremities. It took a moment for me to raise my chin and look at him.