Page 33 of When Night Falls
“Unless you want the choice taken from you, I urge you to calm the hell down,” I demand with purchase. Her squirm for control comes to a halt as she listens to my request, but she refuses to look me in my eyes.
“I’m going to let you go now. Don’t do anything foolish.” I warn and with a nod of acceptance, I release her wrists from my hold.
“How did you do that?” she asks, her voice is husky with disappointment and rasp from screaming.
“The appearing act?” I clarify. “It’s called manifesting. Nocturnes can go anywhere, anytime, as long as their head is clear of obstruction. You’ll do good to remember that the next time you try to run from me,” I threaten. But only because I don’t like chasing things, soon-to-be-queen or not.
Her lungs find effort to steady her breathing as she finally looks up to me.
“I kissed you, Rivian. I…that-” she mumbles over her words as she states the obvious.
I turn my head at the sight of her feathering her fingertips over her lips where the memory of her still burns on mine; the poison ivy still gripping my soul. I can’t let this siren coerce me into surrender.
“It will not happen again. It was a mistake,” I say to her, though more so instilling the thought into my own head, rather than hers. The last thing I need is for Lucynda to develop some kind of Stockholm Syndrome obsession, seeing as I am practically holding her against her will and she had the nerve to kiss me.
“It was my first kiss.” Her admission does everything except escape me unnoticed and I grow esurient and betrayed all in the same breath.
I take a step back, feeling the change in my person being executed by the bloodlust and the tether in unison. Frissons of fear and lust overwhelm my desire to remain composed; the remnants of my resolve shattering like an overheated light bulb.
I watch as panic plunders her ability to breathe.
“Lucynda," I say her name in a careful tone, heedful of the claim it has on her ability to collect herself for just a minute so that I can ask her the question that tiptoes to the front of my mind.
“Are you still a virgin?” It was irresponsible of me to have not known this covert piece of information. But I didn’t start truly keeping tabs on her until I knew her eighteenth birthday was approaching, knowing that I needed to get her here.
This vital piece of information might not necessarily change things but it will definitely make it more complicated to navigate my denial of craving her.
How the fuck am I supposed to convince her to marry me and perform the blood binding? The latter in itself is scary enough of an intimate ceremony, let alone having to perform it with the knowledge that I will have to teach her all while creating a monster out of her.
Her hollowed eyes look up into mine, pain seeping from the expression of them.
“Yes.” Her answer is a feather floating in the air and a parade of elephants all the same. Faint and piercing.
I throw my hand in my hair, feeling so fucked in this moment for allowing myself the luxury of following a stupid desire for revenge. Every second I've spent working to execute this plan crumbles to my feet in a mess of regret and annoyance.
“If I do this.” Lucynda's voice is shaky and unsure. Nothing like what I’ve known her to be the last few weeks of watching her. But that’s because she’s been hiding behind a facade of who she wants to be, not ever having been allowed to truly be herself. And in this moment, she is choosing to be vulnerable. She gave herself an ounce of bravery to kiss me, breaking apart the chains that I held against the greedy parts of me who crave her, and compromising herself for ruin.
“No,” I interrupt her from saying more. “It’s off. Forget everything I said.” I spin to pin her against the tree again, knowing that I have tomakeher forget.
I could just swallow my pride and marry the prospect my father lined up for me. All will be well. I'll still manage to gain order of the Society; power will still be stronger than ever, and I'll have a successful run; the idea for vengeance not entirely obliterated but harder to manage.
I grab Lucynda by her shoulders and focus my vision onto her eyes, a tear falls down the curve of her cheek.
“Please don’t, Rivian,” she pleads. “Please don’t take away any more than what’s already been taken for me. Please just-” A punch to my gut as I hear her argument, knowing damn well what she’s referring to. And hell did I know better. But really, Iamno better. I chose not to be any better because she is more to me than a marriage. She is a means to an end and unfortunately for her, I am carved from a tattered cloth, cloaked in sin and rejection, bound by the shards of broken promises. Ican’tbe better.
However, none of that seems to take precedence in my mind as I unintendedly succumb to the tether. The pull she has to me is dangerous and overpowering. Her kiss did justice in making sure I never forget what having her lips on mine feels like, something I am burning to feel again. But I can't slip into the depths of her siren song, the way I gravitate toward her is a crime committed by my lonely heart and one I need to remain innocent of.
“I just need time,” she continues. “I’m sorry I ran. I think I want this. I do. But I just need time to come to terms with all of this. Withyou.” I can see that she’s not as worked up as she was when she ran, so I let go of my hold on her and all she does is release the tension in her posture.
If she’s willing to sacrifice herself to me, I think we can make this work. But I can't make her believe that anything more than just an arranged marriage will come of this. No false hopes of finding love or catching feelings. Instead, I need to flip the script and feed her an idea that will entice her to hold the crown with me. I won't shy away from letting her know about theanima vinculum.And I will honor what little I can of that vow. But she needs to truly believe she was meant to be here and that will be, without doubt, a varying feat. But when it comes to all else, I will not let her intoxicating allure captivate me anymore.
“How much time do you need?” I step back and allow her space to breathe, entertaining the idea of possibly allowing this to go on.
“A day,” she breathes. “Two days tops.”
“I can give you two days, Lucynda, but nothing more. And I need you to think long and hard about what little I told you because I can guarantee there is more that may haunt you. Traumatize you even. So I need you to be ready because if you say yes, there will be no going back.” I won’t let her back out. I don’t have time to let her think things over just to agree and thenchange her mind. Accommodations for these sorts of things take time and I already don’t have much of it.
“Fine, but I want my space, Rivian. No stalking or roses of any sort. No voices.” Her voice sounds unconvinced as her tone falters. “But in case I do want to get a hold of you…”