Page 95 of When Night Falls
Cyn, you have to understand…
Rivian's words seem to fade in my head. I'm pushing him out. I don't have to understand shit. I'm about to give this man my virginity, and I just vowed into marriage, and he has the balls to tell me he won't even try to love me because it'll break me.What the hell does that even mean?
His cryptic one-way bullshit is really starting to piss me off. I've put in a lot of effort to make sure I did everything right for him. Since the day in the dungeon when I caught him feeding from that girl, all I've wanted was to make his pain go away and help him control his blood lust. I feel like I did a decent job at that. I guess I still had hope that I could find love in all of this chaos. But love isn't born in chaos, it's born in light and sunshine and blue skies and pretty songs of forever. I have none of those things. The thunder in the background causes the priest to stutter over his words, driving my point home.
I see the glint of silver from the corner of my eye, looking to see the priest now has a chalice in his hands.
The chalice.
Rivian is looking at me with dismay in his eyes, but I also feel a slight hint of something neurotic which causes shivers to cover my flesh.
The pastor says a few more things that I can't seem to focus on under the hard stare of my husband and again, his voice fills my head.
Where do you want me to bite you, little one?
The question hits me like a ton of bricks. I knew this was coming. But I was so lost in my mind of knowing I can't have what I want, that I forgot this was next.
The pastor holds out the chalice. I feel the tension light the air like the lightning that shines through the stained-glass windows as it breaks the night sky.
I hesitate, feeling completely overwhelmed by this next part. I thought I was ready for this, but my instinct tells me that if I continue, then something bad will happen later down that line.
Hey, I'm here.
Rivian whispers in my mind, his distorted words sink to the place I need them the most, feeling like I could rise panic in a matter of moments.
The ceremony is almost over, little one. It's just you and me.
I want to roll my eyes, but my nerves don't allow me to show those emotions. Feeling overwhelmed, I lean into the anxiety that plagues me.
Don't call me little one. Or any nicknames.
I feed him my unspoken words as I try to fight off the way my vision blurs and my head gets dizzy.
Why not?
I can sense that he's annoyed, or worried, or maybe a combination of the two.
Because it will break me.
I fire back his own words at him, feeling proud for standing up for myself but pissed that I'm in this position anyways.
"Miss Claire." I hear murmurs amongst the seated guests as the priest holds out the chalice for me. I'm so close to having a panic attack, which is something I haven't experienced in a while but I feel like my chest is caving in and my breathing starts to quicken.
Lucynda.
Rivian's voice feathers its way into my mind, attempting to calm the panic from rising too high and using his deep, soothing tone to bring me back down to normal.
Just bite me.
I tell him. I want to get this over with.
Where, baby?
His words give me chills. The good kind. But I don’t have any more time to think about his name or where I want his teeth.
Anywhere.
This moment feels frozen in time, but I know we're rushing to get this over with, if only to avoid the public seeing their future queen having a mental breakdown. That's not the first impression I want to give.