Page 193 of The Grand Duel
I can’t help but wonder how many women have tried and failed.
How many he let close enough to even afford the chance.
And yet here I am,me, watching him unravel before me in the middle of a wine cellar whilst he tells me existing is the answer.
I can’t—won’t—let that opportunity slip through my fingers.
I smooth my hand over his jaw, lifting his chin. Leaning in, I gently kiss the side of his cheek as he had mine. “I walk, you run, Charlie boy. I have a lifetime to exist.”
He lets out a shuddered breath, and I let him be in the space that’s left between us, the void of unknown that’s his to fill. Whenever he’s ready.
Simply exist.
I’ve failed at a lot of things in my life, but I’m pretty sure this is something I can manage.
Dinner is overwhelming, to say the least, and I couldn’t help spending the majority of the time watching Charlie and his friends interact.
There’s something beautiful about a friendship that spans years. I have it with Jovie, but not on this scale. This many people. The ability to anticipate not only someone’s next movement but their next thought, filling in sentences, andlaughing with them at stupid inside jokes only you’ll ever understand. Being so intimately connected with not just one person but a group of people who you just know would do absolutely anything for you.
I can’t imagine ever having anything like what they share.
“Are you okay, Lissie? I’m sorry if this afternoon’s been a little much.”
I shake my head, clear my thoughts, and sit up a little as Nina’s attention beacons at me across the table. “It’s been lovely. I’m sorry, I think I zoned out a little there.”
The men have disappeared into the house with the children, leaving Nina, Lucy, Scarlet, and me at the dinner table.
“We tend to have a slow and sleepy Sunday afternoon after our roast. You’re not the only one,” Lucy says.
“I’m not used to having so many people around one table. You’ve all been so lovely to me.”
“Our table number keeps growing,” Nina says, her hand rubbing over her swollen stomach. “And it’s been refreshing having you here. For all of us.”
I smile across the table at her. “How many weeks are you?”
“Fifteen, believe it or not. I barely had a bump with Ellis until I was much further along.”
“It’s going to be a girl,” Lucy says. “Remember how big Scar was with Ave.”
“And the pictures of Ellis when she was pregnant with Scar.” Nina turns to me, trying to include me. “She was so much smaller with Mase.”
“Ellis?” I ask, confused.
“My mum,” Scarlet says, looking across at her sister-in-law. They share a smile. “She passed away young. It’s who Ellis is named after.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
She smiles awkwardly, sipping her wine. She side-eyes me. “My dad died too…just to get that out of the way.”
My eyes widen. “Oh?—”
“Scar,” Nina scolds, chuckling. “Oh my god.”
Lucy shakes her head in disbelief, her smile wide. “Jesus. And we were doing so well.”
“Sorry,” Scarlet says guiltily. “It’s always so awkward. It’s going to come up so why not get it over with?”
I fight my smile as I watch them. “I’m so sorry, Scarlet.” I roll my lips, not being able to stop the contagiousness of their laughing. “Really, I am. I don’t know why…” I gesture to my face. “I don’t know why I’m laughing.”