Page 213 of The Grand Duel
I nod.
“But the idea of it, of him not having anyone showing up for him…”
“Does he know you visit?”
“He’s told every time.” His jaw tics, and he works a swallow. “It’s a drive. It’s selfish to say, but it is. I’m constantly planning my week around the visit.”
“Not to mention the care you have and keep for his family, who you put at the very top of your list,” I remind him. “You’re not a bad person for agreeing with Scarlet, Charlie.”
“Not a bad person but a shit friend.”
“No,” I argue, stressing the roots of his hair between my fingers. “Not at all. Two years you’ve been making the drive to the prison. From what you’ve told me about Lance, he doesn’t expect that of you.”
“Exactly. He wouldn’t ask any of us to do it because he thinks he’s not worthy of it. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he’s right when it’s the furthest from the truth.”
A knot tightens in my throat as I watch him get eaten up by his turmoil.
“And yet if I carry on, it leaves Scarlet open to the idea that he might accept the visit. Might let her back in.”
“And you.” I tilt my head as I look down on him. “That he might let you back in, too.”
He lets out a shaky breath, and I wrap him in my arms, sensing he needs it.
“I can’t imagine how hard it’s been to show up week in week out only to get nothing back,” I say into his neck. “I don’t know Lance, and I mean no malice, especially after hearing his story, but I know that you don’t deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you. I hope one day he realises how badly he’s hurt you and makes it right.”
I can feel his heart pounding against my chest, his arms wrapped around me, not letting me go. “Thank you, Lissie.”
I run my nose over his neck in answer, just letting him be for a little while before we head back into the office with our melted ice cream.
The rest of the day goes by slow and sleepy as the rain continues to pour. The office is warm and cosy, and with no meetings scheduled, I was able to hole up in Charles’s office and drink copious amounts of tea whilst I worked from his sofa.
I think he thinks I’m worried about him, but I’m not.
He’s thinking with his head, making healthy decisions for not just his friends but himself. I hated to see him sad before, but sitting through this with him today has been worth it, and I know it’s right for him.
He left the office at five, giving me the excuse he needed to get home to feed the dogs. He asked me to leave with him, promising to get me to work on time, but I told him to go without me.
If Edna wasn’t in the building at the time, I’m pretty sure he would’ve begged me to leave.
I couldn’t help but think he needed the time alone, though.
I forced myself on him earlier, making him tell me about Lance’s visitation, but only because he would have known that cancelling the visit via the app would alert me.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I think he wanted to talk to me.
And with a little encouragement, he did.
I take the tube home and relish it, putting my headphones in and getting lost in the sea of people all trying to get to their next stop.
When I get home, I go to my bedroom and shower, making sure my work clothes are ready for the evening and not creased, and then I fall back to my bed and call my sister, knowing I’ve put it off for long enough.
I chew on my lip as I wait for her to pick up, my stomach feeling all twisted up inside.
This is the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking, and I know it will be hurting her as much as it is me.
“Lissie, hello?”
I close my eyes and smile. “Hi, Jove.”