Page 223 of The Grand Duel

No.

No, no, no, no.

My heart sinks, leaving an aching hole in its wake. “Charles, I…” I tilt my head to the side, realisation making the sad smile that grows on my face full of pain. “I’m not able to,” I whisper.

The burning in my chest intensifies, making me feel sick as it gathers in my throat.

“You’re not able to?” he repeats.

I wet my lips over and over as my body sets itself on fire. Because this is it. I can’t run and hide from it right now, not here in this moment with him.

“Children.” My voice wobbles, my emotions from earlier in the night resurfacing. “I’m not able to have children.” I pick at the skin around my nails, watching as his face is transformed with confusion. “If I knew you had changed your mind, I never would’ve said yes to being with you like this…” I point between us, my heart feeling like it’s splitting in two. My worst fear since I found out at age sixteen that I’d never carry a child has just unfolded in the most bittersweet way. Because I can’t give this man all that he wants, and I want that for him. To see him have it all. “I’m so sorry, Charlie, I had no idea.” I shake my head and step back, unable to meet his eyes.

I turn and rush from the room, quickly grabbing my things from the main bedroom and walking down the stairs.

“Lissie, wait a second.”

I bypass the dogs, needing to get outside in the fresh air.

“Lis.”

My eyes burn, and I can’t stop it—the emotions, the feeling of it all bubbling up inside of me.

“Hey.” He grabs my arm and turns me, eyes searching my face. “Baby, no.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, tears falling. “I’m sorry, Charlie.”

“What are you sorry for?” he asks, horrified.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeat, my breaths getting shorter and shorter. “I can’t.”

Everything comes back to me as if I’m in the moment for the first time all over again.

The fear.

The unknown.

Jovie’s terrified, sad face as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

The smell of the hospital.

He pulls me into his chest, wrapping me tight in his arms. “Lissie, you’re scaring me. Please.”

The smell of him cocoons me, his arms warming me, his heart pounding in a rhythm that matches my own.

And it’s in his arms that I finally break.

FORTY-ONE

Lissie

“I’m sorry, Charlie.” I take the cup of tea he hands me and sit up on the mattress he unwrapped and placed in front of the fire. Luna is curled up at my side, having not left me alone since I broke down in Charlie’s arms.

“Stop apologising,” he tells me, sitting down beside me. He leans over and kisses my forehead. “You never have to apologise for feeling anything in front of me. In fact, youcometo me.”

I sniffle, giving him a sad smile. “I’ve not cried like that in years, maybe ever.”

He smooths his hand over my face, the worry in his gaze tightening the knot in my throat again.