Page 250 of The Grand Duel

Although, sometimes, it feels like she isn’t here at all.

“You have a meeting at three,” she says, not letting me go. “Do you want me to come with you so that we can head straight home after?”

“I want nothing more today, Lis.” I squeeze my eyes tight. “I was going to tell you later so that you weren’t thinking about it all day…”

She pulls back, looking up at me.

“I’m meeting Emily and Jack for the first time today.”

Pain flashes on her face so fast I almost miss it, but then she pushes it away. “Oh.” Her jaw works. “Of course.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to come, but you’re welcome?—”

She catches my gaze and frowns. “No. Sorry, but that’s for you to…” She wrings her hands together. “But I’ll be there when you’re done. I’ll get a taxi home.”

I fucking hate myself.

Every decision I ever made up until the day I met her.

I hate myself for it.

“Mason is going to take you. Ed is heading to the headquarters to drop some files, so she’ll take you to The Montwell.”

“I can get the tube over to HQ and take the files myself? Seems silly both of us going when I have to go that way to meet Mason.”

I scrub at my face. “I’d rather you let Ed drive you.”

When my hand falls away, I catch her eyes on me. “Okay.”

Stepping forward, I reach for her, my hand on her neck just under her ear. I pull her in and kiss her, frowning when our lips meet.

And if this was all we were, we’d be perfect.

If this was all that mattered, they’d be no doubt.

We pull away at the same time, lips parted, eyes searching. I rest my forehead to hers. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

She smiles and nods. “When you get home.”

I walk to the door with my insides feeling like they’re wasting away, desperately wanting to turn around and wrap her back up in my arms. To beg her to look at me differently. To stop hiding what all of this is doing to her.

I stop halfway to the door, turning to find her looking down at the application.

“I love you, Lissie girl.”

She lifts her head. “I love you, too.”

“So do the test. If it means we’ll know for certain who the father is, why not get it over with?”

I narrow my eyes on the man beside me.

Jack.

“We can,” Emily says, her voice quiet as she looks between us, completely unsure. “If that’s what you both want, I can speak to the midwives?—”

“No,” I cut in. “Sorry,” I tell the woman. “Absolutely not. It says here that the test is invasive and can cause the baby distress. We’ll be waiting the remaining eight weeks and can do the test after birth.”

“Eight weeks!” Jack snaps. “It’s a thing for a reason. Let her do the test.”