Page 249 of The Grand Duel

He smooths his hands over my back. “I can run you a bath and go to bed with you.”

“No, you eat.” I step back. “I want to shower tonight instead.”

I check the sauce, making sure it’s ready for him, and then I walk from the room, the feel of his eyes on me the only thing keeping the knot in my throat from unravelling.

Luna follows me up the stairs, Daisy following her. I quickly shoo them out of the bathroom and then shut the door.

I go through the motions of undressing, checking the water temperature.

I wash my body.

Reach for the shampoo.

I go through the motions until it’s impossible to move another inch without the pain inside of my body taking over.

I sink down the wall, my hands covering my face.

I break on the shower floor because I know he won’t see it.

FORTY-SIX

Charlie

Two weeks later…

“Oh Lissie, congratulations. I didn’t know this was something you were interested in. You didn’t mention it at interview.”

I stand from my desk and follow the sound of Edna’s voice.

I find her in the break room with Lissie.

“I never really considered it an option until Charlie told me to go for it.”

I come to a stop in the doorway, the guilt that seemingly now sits like an organ in my chest blooming as my eyes find focus on her.

“What’s that?” I ask, tipping my chin up at the paper in her hands.

She flicks her eyes towards me before dropping them. “My application came back…” She holds up the paper.

“The Bar Standards Board?”

She nods.

Edna looks between the two of us. “Well, you’ve got it in you, girl, that much I’m certain of. Excuse me, I need to…” Like Lissie, Edna doesn’t finish her sentence, making herself scarce.

I walk to Lissie and look down at her, wondering if alongside the growing guilt I’ll ever stop loving her more and more each day.

“Full exemption?”

She nods.

I lift her chin, desperately needing her eyes. “I’m proud of you. And I told you.”

She smiles, stepping into me, burying her face in my chest.

I suck in a full breath, breathing her in.

I thought I’d lose her when I found out about Emily (her legal name) being pregnant, turns out I didn’t, and she’s still here.