Page 248 of The Grand Duel

“Then you’ll have a baby.”Fuck. I steel myself, everything inside of me. “And it will be okay.”

He searches my eyes, but I know he doesn’t find what he’s looking for.

Because I don’t let him.

“Have you spoken to her?” I ask. “To Cass? You said she’s quite far along.”

He sighs. “No. Bronwyn has passed on my number to her. She said that Cass only told her last week.”

I close my eyes momentarily, centring myself. “And the other guy? Is he aware?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.” He steps away and runs his hands through his hair. “Bronwyn told me, and my heart all but stopped.” He looks up at me. “The next thought was you, and I checked out after that.”

I wade out of the meaning in his words, the way his head is so fully with me and not where it should be. “Do you remember the night?”

His jaw flexes and then he nods, not meeting my eyes.

“You wore protection?”

He snaps his eyes to me. “Of course I did. I’ve never?—”

“I wasn’t?—”

“Only you. No one else.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I just…I’m trying to understand.”

He drops his eyes again, his hand swiping over his mouth. He looks back at me with so much guilt in his eyes it threatens to steal my mask, my entire façade, and the world I exist in.

“What?” I ask.

“She—Cass…she told Bronwyn that she doesn’t think the other guy was able to…”

I stare through him, my eyes glazing over. “She doesn’t think he came?”

He stares back at me, the reality of it all tearing into the both of us.

I drop my head to the side, knowing my teary eyes are likely killing him inside.

Because his are killing me.

I flash him a sad smile and walk across the kitchen, wrapping my arms around his waist.

There’s another “it’s okay” somewhere deep inside of me, it’s there, and I wish he could know how badly I want to voice it. How badly I want to mean it.

But I don’t.

I don’t mean a single one of them.

I can’t because this is destroying me inside. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know where or how we move forward with this. And it’s not okay.

“Go and sit down,” he whispers into my hair. “Let me finish tea.”

I don’t want to eat.

I can’t eat right now.

“I think I might have a shower and get an early night. I’ve got a bit of a headache.”