Page 260 of The Grand Duel

I search her face, my heart thumping. “I upset you.”

“I upset myself.” She swallows, contemplating something. “I think I feel a little like you don’t want to tell me things that relate to Emily and the pregnancy. Which isn’t information I’m entitled to, but just knowing when you’re meeting with her or even just talking to me when you’re going through things would help. I want to be here for you, Charlie.”

I upset her.

I thought talking about the hospital could potentially hurt her—I’m still certain that it would have—and yet this has too. It’s a lose-lose situation.

“Charles,” she whispers.

My gaze transfixes on her.

“I’m tired and emotional. I miss Jovie more than ever, and I overreacted. It’s okay.”

I lock my jaw, knowing she’s hurting. Knowing she’s still hiding it from me.

I’ve never had a Lissie. Never had this feeling. This contentment. And it’s threatened. I can feel it being strangled by everything that’s transpiring around us.

My insides heat to a point I go cold, my heart racing. I search her face, the panic clawing at my throat threatening to strangleme.

I cannot lose this woman.

It’s inconceivable.

She thinks I’m this good, caring man, but I’m not. I’m selfish. Because right now, I’d give anything for all of this to go away. Idon’t want to be a dad, I want to be the love of Lissie’s life. I want to wake up every day, until my heart grows too tired to recognise hers, and see her face. Just her and me and the dogs, here in this house we’ve built.

If I’m the dad to this baby, I’ll be devastated.

I blink, looking off to the decking, hating myself for finally acknowledging the fact. Hating myself for the man it makes me.

“Charles,” she says, her tone confused. “Have I said something? I’m sorry if I’m being too much by asking to know these things, I just?—”

My eyes snap back to her. “You’re not too much.” I frown. “God, Lissie, you’ll never be too much.”

I hate the people in her life that made her believe she could be.

Because she can’t.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I swallow the remnants of the lie, knowing I don’t really mean it.

“If you’re comfortable, I want to share this with you. To be in this with you and here for you when you need me. Just please don’t keep me in the dark about things.”

I nod, not managing the words.

Still not wanting to mix the two despite what she says.

Her, and the one thing that could take her from me, a baby.

“I feel like I need wine in the bath and my boyfriend.”

I let out a sigh, the weight on my chest easing. A little. “Sounds perfect, Lis.”

FORTY-EIGHT

Lissie

The record player is playing a soft, gentle song, the singer bleeding her heart out with her words. I’m lay on the sofa, wrapped in the blanket Charles threw at me after he came downstairs from his shower and stripped me of my T-shirt and then bent me over the sofa.

He’s now at the kitchen counter, continuing the dinner prep for tonight which he interrupted when he came down the stairs.