Page 262 of The Grand Duel

I head upstairs and quickly shower, excited to have everyone over for an evening.

It feels like a very grown-up, couple-y thing to do.

I walk from the bathroom into the walk-in wardrobe with a smile on my face, my towel wrapped around me as I search for the chunky warm hoodie I’m looking for. When I don’t find it on my side of the room, I opt to search its original home on Charles’s side, presuming he’s stolen it back.

With no luck, I frown, eyeing the washing basket.

I start burrowing through it, locating it near the bottom. “Shit.” I push it back in with the intention to find a clean one, but my eyes catch on the suit jacket that’s now hanging half out of the washing basket. Or more so the piece of shiny paper poking out from the pocket.

I know what it is without needing to look, but I do. I reach into the jacket pocket and pull the scan photo from inside.

Sometimes I don’t really believe in happiness. Not with the way it can be there, in all its trickery, so full and loud, and then without warning, without care for the excitement and joy, it’s shattered. Shattered and gone.

Sadness, I can believe in.

Sadness always shows back up.

I allow myself to look at the little life in the photo, my hand shaking as tears fill my eyes, and then I get dressed, a little numb. A little lost. A million questions running through my mind.

When I eventually take to the stairs, ready to walk the dogs, Charlie is at the bottom waiting. “It’s okay, baby, we have all the time in the world.”

I force a smile. Or I try to.

I grab my wellies from outside and slide them on, noticing my shaky exhale as I stand, the way my heart feels like it’s too big for my chest.

“I think it’s going to rain.” He turns to look at me. “Should we get those towels in off the washing line before we go?”

I frown, not being able to fully focus on him. “No. No, it’s fine.”

The dogs set off towards the road, and all I can think about is that they should be on leads. That he puts too much trust in them when we walk to the woods, and that I wish he’d listen to me more.

“Dais. Lu,” he calls.

I continue following him across the road, over the bridge, towards the woods, my throat and eyes burning.

“Lu!” he calls, my heart going too fast. “Wait.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “I’ve not worn you out already, have I?”

His smile catches me off guard, his happiness. Because that should make me happy, shouldn’t it?

I shake my head. “No.”

He turns, walking on.

I always lag behind on our walks, normally because I like to see the three of them in front of me. Safe and with me.

Right now, I’m lagging behind because I’m scared. I’m scared to look him in the eye because I’m pretty sure he’s hidden this from me.

My hands are sweating, my heart pounding, but I try with everything inside of me to keep my voice casual when I ask, “Has Emily had any scans recently?”

His boots scuff along the ground, his head not turning, not until he’s thought it through.

The time it takes to answer should be answer enough.

I stare at his back, my heart in my throat.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

My feet come to a stop.