Page 18 of Beyond the Blues
“She… she took her own life.” The silence is deafening. Nora sits there in silence, staring at me.
“I guess. I just didn’t expect it, really. She was happy, or so I thought.” A tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly using the sheet.
“I think the worst part of it all is that she didn’t leave me a note.” My voice cracks, trying to hold back from sobbing.
“Cry Ophelia, it’s okay to cry.”
“I’m just tired of crying.” It’s been almost every day since she’s been gone
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that I’ve cried. I become overcome with emotion, my breaths heavy and my cheeks flooded with tears. Nora walks over to me, lifting me up and placing me onto her lap. I cry into her chest.
“I guess I feel guilty for not noticing she was so sad, and for not stopping her.”
“You couldn’t have stopped it, Ophelia. She knew you loved her, but sometimes the monsters in people’s heads are too much.”
“I just wish I could’ve stopped it.I just wish I could have made her my maid of honour, the aunt to my future kids. In this life, I thought she’d be by my side.”
“But know this Ophelia, the ones that loved us will never leave us. Coco is sending you a sign she’s here with you. Whether they seem silly, she’s there.” Nora pulls my head back to her chest, comforting my cries, my whole body shaking.
“In university, when I first met Coco, she never stopped talking about you.I barely knew her, and I knew she loved you. I went home and thought how amazing it must be to have a friendship like that.”
“Why, why didn’t you tell me that earlier?”
“Because telling you in a moment like now would mean a lot more.”
*
Six Months Prior.
I lay in bed, drifting in and out of sleep whilst I watch cheesy rom coms to keep me occupied. While waiting for Coco to answer about our plans tomorrow, I check my phone, even though she’s probably asleep.I hear a gentle knock on my bedroom door and my mum walks in, tears streaming down her face and eyes blotchy and swollen. I sit up, sleepily.
“What’s happened?” My mum continues crying, almost to the point of wailing.
“Mum, what’s wrong?!” I yell, panicked.
“It’s Coco.” My mum whispers, the words barely escaping her mouth. My heart drops to my stomach.
“She’s passed love.” Nausea hits me like a ton of bricks. I shake my head repeatedly. I sit up further.
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BEYOND THE BLUES
“What? How? When?”
My mum stares at me, sympathy crawling from her eyes.
“She took her own life.” I shake my head more.
“No, no, where is she?” I stand up and run down the stairs, my dad meeting me at the bottom. I try to shove my shoes on but give up, kicking them across the hallway.
“Don’t lie to me!” I scream. My dad tries to grab my shoulders, but I shrug them away.
“Darling, she’s gone.” My dad says. I open the front door, the cold air hits me, knocking the truth into me. As if everything changed, the world went silent. I collapse to the floor, and cry harder and scream louder than I’ve ever done in my life. My throat feels like it’s shut, and I can’t swallow.My dad joins me and tries to put his arms around my body, but I drag myself away, and lay on my front doorstep in the fetal position. Nothing matters. Why didn’t she tell me? Why would she leave me? I feel as if my heart was being torn to shreds, and I can’t imagine it ever recovering from the biggest loss of my life. *