Page 111 of Tormented Kings
“Not if he’s going to spill his heart out, kiss me, tell me it’s a mistake, and walk away again,” Declan murmurs in a low voice.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Preston says. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“For which part?” Declan asks.
“Walking away.” Preston continues holding his gaze. “I shouldn’t have told you it was a mistake. Nothing with you is a mistake, Declan.”
Declan is quiet for a moment. “Fine,” he says softly before he turns around and walks into the house. I follow after him, nerves fluttering in my belly. Is this it? Is this the moment where Preston finally pulls his head out of his ass?
That would be a Thanksgiving miracle if you ask me.
We head into the study and Declan takes a seat on the couch. When I move to sit next to him, he pulls me down into his lap.
I smile softly and press a kiss to his lips as he wraps his arms around me. I’ll be his anchor, his support, always.
Preston joins us, running a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath as he takes a seat in the chair across from us.
“So,” I start as Preston just looks up at us awkwardly.
“I know this isn’t an excuse, but being open about my feelings isn’t easy for me.”
Declan snorts. “Unless you're drunk,” he mutters.
Preston sighs. “What I said that night... I meant every word,” he confirms, eyes on Declan. “It was the wrong time, wrong place. I panicked because, in that moment, I was forced to realize a lot of things about myself, my feelings, and my sexuality. It hit too hard, too fast, and it was so fucking wrong of me to take it out on you.”
“You think?” Declan grunts.
“Fuck.” Preston gets to his feet and starts to pace. “I’m just gonna lay it all out there. Please, just let me speak. Then you can yell at me all you want, okay?”
“Whatever,” Declan whispers.
“We’re listening,” I say, raising a brow. I’m not heartless, I know what he’s going through is hard. But it doesn’t give him permission to fuck around with someone's feelings.
“I’m in love with you,” Preston blurts.
Declan and I pause as my heart thunders in my chest. No one says anything for a moment until I ask. “Who?” It comes out as a whisper like I’m not sure I want to know the answer and risk getting hurt myself.
“Both of you.” His voice breaks. “I’m so fucking gone for the both of you that it’s fucking with my head.” He starts to pace, and a lump forms in my chest. “My life is a fucking mess. I have a psychopath for a father who's the puppet master of my life. For the longest time, I fought him, rebelled, didn’t give a shit. I’d pay the consequences for my actions in the form of his fists connecting with my body, but I didn’t care about the pain, about the bruises. What's the worst he could do? Kill me?” Preston laughs, shaking his head.
“Sometimes I wished he would—end me and put me out of my fucking misery. Because I truly felt like I had nothing. No friends, no family. No one loved me.” He sighs, grabbing handfuls of his hair. “I had Collin, but I was so consumed with my jealousy and resentment of him for the life he got to live. The life I wanted so fucking bad. I didn’t care about anything, happy in just being a miserable asshole. Until I met you.”
He looks at me, his deep blue eyes so damn pitiful. “The quiet girl in the tower. The one who let me sit with her. You never asked anything from me. Never judged me. You were just there. Some of my darkest days ended in that tower. And the only reason I got through them was because I got to sit there with you. I’d think, if I end things today, would she wonder if I’d be back? Would she worry? A part of me felt like if I left this world, I’d be leaving you, and I just couldn't do that. Even if we never talked, you became a big part of my sanity.”
He’s heaving now, and my eyes water as I grip Declan’s hand, his arms wrapping around me tightly.
“The first day I knew I loved you was the first time you offered me something to eat. Your kind eyes as you held out that candy bar felt like you were offering me the world.” He growls and grabs handfuls of his hair again. “I stopped coming because my feelings for you became so strong I felt like I was drowning. It was a reminder that I could never have you. Because my life was set in stone for something else. It wasn’t a possibility. My father would never stand for it. To him, you would have been just the daughter of the help.” He looks at me with wide eyes. “I’ve never thought that.” He keeps going when I lick my lips, nodding my head as I try to hold back the tears threatening to spill.
“So, I became bitter and an asshole. Hating the world because even with all the money we had, it couldn’t buy me the things I wanted in life. It couldn’t buy me my freedom. That’s why we ended up opening the club. It was my way to make money that wasn’t controlled by my father. Something that was just mine. My plan was to take it and disappear. Change my name and make a new life for myself.”
He swings his eyes back to me again. “That was until you walked into the Host Club and made a deal that turned my life upside down. Because I already convinced myself I’d never have you. Not in any way. It’s why I stopped going to the tower. Being around you and craving you like I did, it hurt too much. That night nearly killed me, Sadie.”
Tears fall at the reminder of the night he’s talking about. The lowest point in my life. He still doesn’t know why, and he’s never asked. If he asked me, I think I’d tell him. He deserves to know, doesn’t he?
“That deal, it brought everything back that I’ve worked so hard to bury down. I was a fucking jackass to you. I treated you like shit because I was a coward. I was so damn afraid of those feelings coming back and taking over me like they used to. Not that they ever really went away. Being with you that night in theclub was the best and worst time of my life. The best because I finally had you in ways I’ve only dreamed of. But worst because I was so heartless and cruel to you. I’m so fucking sorry, Sadie. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I continue to hurt you. I’m in love with you, I can’t breathe knowing I can’t have you.”
“But you can,” I rasp, wiping at my eyes.
“What?” He blinks at me with wide, wild eyes.