Page 88 of Hotter 'N Hell

Hannah’s question startled me, and I turned around to see her and a man standing at the Cadillac parked in the visitor spot.

No. It was not okay.

“Did you lose your car? That happens to me every time I go to Target. I stay too long. Come out, and I don’t have a clue where I left it.”

Who were they? They were here, visiting. Had they arrived Friday? Had their arrival triggered this?

“Uh, no. It’s right, um, over there,” I stammered out. Then glanced back at the church. “Are you Father Jude’s relatives?” Although he hadn’t addressed them as such.

Her smile turned sad. “No. But it feels like it. He’s been in our lives a long time,” she told me. “Before he was a priest, he did love a woman once. Well, a girl. Our daughter and Jude were part of the rare few who findthe oneat a young age. Her passing is what sent him into the ministry.”

Delana’s parents.

I managed an, “I’m so sorry,” and, “It was lovely to meet you,” or something like that, then continued to walk, unsure of where I was going.

The truths I hadn’t seen, the lies I’d believed, the facts I’d ignored—it all hit me like pelts of hail, hammering down on my soul, battering my already-damaged heart.

Thirty-Four

Saylor

Although I spotted my car, I kept walking. I knew my limits, and driving in the condition I was in wasn’t safe for anyone. I needed to get away from everything. Find my will to inhale and exhale, get a firm footing on my reality, and understand what this meant.

The Closed signs as I made my way down the street began to create a pattern in my head. After lunch, some would begin to open while others still had too much damage. Sunday in a small Southern town wasn’t a bustling day for business unless you served up a meat and three for lunch.

“Saylor,” a familiar voice called, breaking into the fog that had settled over me.

I paused, glancing around until I saw a familiar face headed toward me.

Crow.

I wasn’t in the right state of mind to engage in small talk. The smile I attempted didn’t hit the mark. His brows drew together as he closed the distance between us.

“Are you okay? I saw you at the meeting on Saturday, and then you were gone. I’ve been worried about you.”

There was no answer I could give him. Was I okay? No. I doubted I would be again. This time, I had learned my lesson. I wasn’t that girl.

“I had something come up,” I lied.

He stopped a few feet from me. He saw too much. Looked too deeply. I needed to get away. This wasn’t something I wanted to share.

“Remember what I told you when you asked me what brought me here?” he asked.

I didn’t want to be insensitive. That was one of my faults. I was self-centered. I didn’t want to be. I tried to wade through the heaviness of my thoughts to find the memory. Perhaps then he’d let me leave.

There it was. I clung to it and blurted, “A girl. You followed a girl.”

A sad half smile that held something deeper than pain touched his lips.

“Yes,” he replied. “What I didn’t tell you was that girl had been dead for ten years. And it wasn’t her I came here for. When I lost my little sister, something in my head snapped. I did things I shouldn’t have. I chased a high that would numb the pain. It landed me in prison for manslaughter. When I was released, there was someone who had loved her just as fiercely, yet he had taken another path. He’d dedicated his life to honor her. He gave my parents something to cling to. He was everything for them that I wasn’t. I followed him. Searching for whatever peace he had found. Knowing I needed something. That my little sister wouldn’t have wanted that life for me.”

I said nothing, waiting on him to finish. He’d had heartbreak too. We all had. I understood that, but if he was trying to share his to help with mine, it wouldn’t. He didn’t understand that mine was very different.

“Saylor, my little sister’s name was Delana Berry.”

A whooshing in my ears, the sound of cars, some laughter in the background far away, all made sense to me. This…this did not. I said nothing while grasping at every moment that I’d spent around Crow. When he had interacted with Jude. Neither had acted as if they had a connection that deep. Yet they did.

“I, uh…wow, I was not expecting that,” I said just above a whisper.