Page 103 of PS: I Hate You

I should be pumped about the idea of supporting Adam and Carter on their big day, and I am. But my mind also does the math that adding this trip means instead of three more Dom meetups, I’ll have four.

Graduation, North Dakota, Idaho, and Alaska.

The tangle of emotions in my brain and chest intensifies. I am eager for the next adventure. The next time that I see Dom and I can touch him and kiss him and he’ll hold me and we’ll open an envelope together and we’ll do or say whatever Josh asked us and…

And I’ll have to say one more goodbye. And then I’ll only have two left.

Which brings on guilt.

Guilt that I’ve pushed for these trips to happen as soon as we could manage. Guilt that I want to charge into these adventures even more now because I’ll get to see Dom again. Guilt because in my eagerness, I’ve chipped away the final pieces of my brother.

Now that Josh’s correspondence is dwindling, I want to waitforever to read the rest of the words. I want them now. And I don’t ever want them to end.

What do I do after Alaska?

What will happen when I don’t have anything left from my brother?

When I have to figure out a way to be brave on my own, will I be the Maddie that I’ve always been? Will I take something from this time of bravery with me?

Will I take Dom?

His friendship.That’s a precious thing I should try to hold on to. We can go back to being texting friends from afar. After the last trip, I doubt we’ll see each other again. Not for a while anyway.

But I want to see him now as something more than friends. And I want to see him without the countdown of Josh’s final goodbye hanging over us. A bonus trip.

Having made a decision, I settle back at my laptop and force myself to concentrate on work till five p.m. Like usual, I actually end up logging off somewhere closer to seven.

Then I pour myself a drink, smirking at the memory of Dom asking me to hold off on my hot toddy because he wasn’t sure if I actually wanted him.

Maddie:What should I bring the twins for their graduation?

Barely five minutes pass before I get a response in the form of rapid-fire buzzes.

Dom:You’re coming?

Dom:When does your flight get in? Are you flying into Philly?

Dom:I’ll pick you up.

Dom:You’ll stay at my place.

I press my glass against my mouth to cool my grin.

Maddie:I haven’t booked a flight yet

Maddie:And that’s presumptuous

Dom:I have a big comfortable bed.

Maddie:I’m more interested in the snack situation

Dom:I plan to eat your pussy.

Gin sprays across my kitchen as I choke on a gasping laugh. As I sop up my mess with one hand, I text him back with the other.

Maddie:That’s lovely for you, but what will I eat?

I prepare for Dom to respond with some version ofHow about my dick?But I should have known better. He’s not that guy.