Page 45 of More than a Memory

She smiled at him wistfully, then, as if shrugging off her melancholy, she kissed him deeply. After thoroughly ravishing his mouth, she began to kiss her way down his beautiful male body. When he reached for her, she said, “No! I want you to stay still. Let me pleasure you.”

Sam, who was used to giving, had to wrap his head around receiving. First, she lingered at the hollow of his throat, licking him sensuously, then, nibbling at his neck, she glanced up to meet Sam’s eyes, which looked like smoldering embers. Satisfied to see his breathing was rapid and his desire for her unbridled, she continued.

As Sam watched her, hands propped behind his head, he felt wild with desire. As she worked her way down his muscular chest, he had a very difficult time remaining passive. She then reached his throbbing penis and firmly gripping him, she gently kissed the tip, letting her tongue dart out, causing Sam to buck with longing. Reaching behind his shaft, she cupped his roundness and rolled them in her palm as Sam panted. She crawled back up and straddled him. Slipping on a condom, she hovered over his stiff erection, then slowly lowered her pelvis, taking him inside of her.

He grimaced as if in pain, groaning out her name as the first wave of orgasm hit. Bucking, he was swept away on a tide of desire where time and place ceased to exist. As the waves subsided, he pulled her down so that her breasts were pressed against his chest, her head nestled in his neck, as he cradled her on top of him. They lay like that as his heart rate slowly returned to normal.

“I love you, Darcy,” he said, voice husky with emotion.

He could feel her body become stock-still, like a deer when caught in the headlights of a car. Suddenly, the air in the room felt thick. The silence was deafening, but Sam was prepared. He knew it would be an unwelcome declaration, but he had to be honest with her.

“I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear, but you’ll just have to deal with it. I’ve got to be straight with you. That’s just the way I roll. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life and maybe longer for you, Darcy. I know you’re scared, and you think you’re not ready, but if not now, when? I’ve always gone after what I want. I’m not about to change that now.”

“I have feelings for you Sam, but I have to be honest as well. As I’ve said from the beginning, I’m not interested in anything more than a casual relationship. I’m not ready for anything more serious than that. I just can’t let myself go down that rabbit hole again. I’m sorry that I can’t be that girl. I never intended for things to go this far. I’ll take responsibility for that. I should never have let my emotions enter the picture. Please forgive me, Sam. You’re good and kind and sweet; I’d never want to hurt you.”

“Darcy, you can’t compartmentalize your life into neat little boxes. That’s not living. If you have that much control, I feel sad for you,” Sam said.

Darcy reacted as if Sam had slapped her.

“Sad for me? No need for pity, Sam. I was doing just fine before I met you and I’ll be just fine when you leave,” she said defensively.

“Quit twisting my words. You know that’s not what I meant. Pity is the last thing I feel for you, Darcy. Frustrated, sad, angry, crazy about you, yes, but never pity. I love you!”

As Darcy flinched, he reacted angrily and said, “YES, I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT! How do you think it feels to see you cringe when I express my affection? I’ll answer that one for you: like shit!”

Darcy suddenly curled up into a little ball and began to sob uncontrollably, “Please just go. NOW!”

“And if I refuse?” he said quietly.

“Just go, Sam,” she said defeatedly between sobs.

“Darcy, I never took you to be a coward,” he replied. “You have no fear when it comes to defending others, but when it comes to yourself, that bravery seems to disappear out the window.”

Sam was torn. He felt paralyzed, incapable of leaving, but also understanding they were at an impasse. He wanted to reason with Darcy, but she had completely shut him out and he felt a depth of loneliness and frustration he had never experienced before. Her walls were impenetrable. There was nothing to be done, nothing to be said that was going to break through right now.

“I will leave now if that’s what you really want. But Darcy, I’m more than a memory. I’m standing here right now, in flesh and blood. I can’t presume to know how it feels to suffer a loss in the way you did, but I know you, I know your heart, and you deserve love and happiness. I hope someday you’ll be able to see that.”

And with that he quietly dressed and slipped out the door.

* * *

The only reason Darcy was able to pull herself together was because the dogs needed to go outside. Woodenly, almost robotically, she dressed and opened the door for them to do their business. It was sheer force of will that kept her emotions locked up tight and any thoughts of Sam buried deep within.

21

Sam was not doing well at all. He literally felt gutted. The only thing he knew to do was to reach for a lifeline, his horse Whiskey, whom he was saddling up as Gabe appeared whistling cheerfully. Catching one glimpse of his friend’s dejected countenance stopped Gabe dead in his tracks.

“What’s up my friend?” Gabe asked with concern.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said gruffly.

“No problem. Mind if I join you on your ride?”

“As long as you don’t pry, the company would be welcome,” Sam responded.

“I think I can handle that. I’ll take the newest resident-in-training, a frisky mare named Spirit, out for a test run. Could get exciting.”

“That could be a nice diversion,” Sam admitted.