Page 25 of Longing for More
And I couldn’t help but long for something more, myself, yet again.
I nearly jumpedout of my skin as Ryder’s voice sounded in the small kitchen, breaking me from my thoughts. “Can’t sleep?”
I hummed and brought the glass of water to my lips. “Apparently not.”
Truth be told, I was surprised that I wasn’t able to sleep. I was completely and utterly exhausted. The bags under my eyes felt like they were carrying groceries themself, and it only made the ache blooming throughout my skull worse.
I looked at the stovetop clock, reading 0400 hours, and looked back at Ryder, eyebrow quirking. “Why the hell are you awake so early?”
“Habit.” He shrugged.
“Mmhmm. And why are you in…jeans and a winter coat? Are you bailing out on your girl already?”
He rolled his eyes, moving to lean leisurely against the wall directly across from me. “Not even funny.”
I snorted, bringing the water to my mouth again.
It was all fun jabs, at the end of the day.
I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Not like that.
He filled the silence once more. “I’m gonna go get my girl some Christmas gifts. Do you wanna come?”
The thoughts in my head went eerily quiet. “You’re…inviting me…to Christmas shop?”
He paused. “Yeah? Is that weird?”
“You’re inviting me to Christmas shop for your girlfriend, at four in the morning, after I just fucked the daylight out of her.”
“Correct.”
I wanted to rub my temples so bad. This was truly so much to process in the span of twelve hours. “I don’t know what I’m doing, bro.”
“What? Not making me call you Daddy?”
I glared at him. He was so not fucking helpful. I assumed my expression truly did convey the conflict I was feeling, because he shrugged off the wall and walked towards me. I breathed indeeply as his expression turned firm, and even allowed him to hold the back of my neck firmly, possessing me.
He had done this many times before, when I needed a pep-talk in the field. That time felt far more intimate, though, in the dark quiet of his kitchen.
“We’re good. Our friendship is good. Our girl is good. Get your head out of your ass.”
A piece of vulnerability tore through me. Without Aspen here, I felt like I could say it to him. It was easier coming off my chest when I knew it wouldn’t put pressure on her. “She could reject us, man.”
“She won’t.”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do. When you love someone as much as I love her, you know things you probably shouldn’t and you know the exact choices they’re about to make before they even make them. I know her. If she wasn’t even considering it, she wouldn’t have let you touch her at all.”
I breathed in deep again. His words helped the panic swirling around in my head. A part of me was pissed off that he was always so good at that. “And…our baby?”
“The angel sleeping upstairs or the hypothetical?”
I groaned. “You know what I’m fucking talking about.”
He cracked a smile. “We’ll figure it out. Now, quit fucking moping in my kitchen. Either go get some clothes so I can shove your ass around inside a store, or go cuddle our girl.”
I debated it for a moment.