Page 5 of Longing for More
If they even made it home at all.
That was our life, though. Even if children didn’t understand it.
“Do you happen to know where he is?” I asked, turning my attention back to the little girl.
“No,” she pouted, unsurprisingly. “But I know he’s doing really cool stuff!”
“Oh, I’m sure he is, Lucy! I hope he comes home just as fast, and safely, at that,” I said, directing the last part towards her mother, who smiled at me thankfully. “Now, Lucy…I know there must be something else you may want for Christmas! Why don’t you tell me?”
Her mouth quirked to the side and I smiled faintly as I let her consider her thoughts. After a few moments, she whipped her face back towards me and an evil smirk flitted across her face. “I want the biggest doll house you have, and then I want an action figure of IT the clown to rule over it.”
A cough burst out of my mouth as I attempted to smother my laughter. Her mother looked horror-stricken as she stared at her daughter—a blush filling her cheeks as her eyes bulged. Lucy only cackled in response.
“Well, Lucy, that is certainly quite the ruler to take over your dollhouse. Is there any particular reason why?”
“Hmmm, no! I just think he has funny hair. My dolls could give him a makeover!”
The smile that covered my face was wide, and I nodded my head in agreement with the little girl. “That sounds like a plan. I will absolutely try and speak to some elves to the best of my ability. Now, how about we take that picture so you can go get that reindeer, yeah?”
She giggled brightly. “Okay!”
I pointed to the camera in front of us and smiled brightly as her giggles continued, all before she hopped up from the spot beside me and waved goodbye. Matching her wave, I smiled as I watched them pass, chuckling softly as I watched her mother shake her head over her bright—albeit, potentially gothic—daughter.
Looking up, I scanned the crowd of people, looking for Aspen once more. I wanted to make sure she was having a good time, even if I couldn’t break away from the children just yet. It was getting late, so I knew they would be leaving soon, but if Santa left the Christmas party…I had a feeling there would be a riot of elves.
My heart stopped as I found her at the back of the room, staring directly at me. Or rather, directly where Lucy had sat beside me. I knew she didn’t know I was the one behind the beard, as there was no familiarity or spark in her gaze, but instead—one of direct longing.
The same longing that had plagued me just mere moments before.
The longing for more.
The idea that hit me, staring directly at my angel, was enough for me to be considered certifiably insane in the next moment. Itwas almost ridiculous. A decision made in nothing but a moment of manic despair. And yet…
Holding a finger up to Private Rook for a moment’s break before the next child came my way, claiming the need to use the restroom, I moved and began the trek through the crowd to find Lucas. With this being our last assignment before we were granted leave, he was dressed in the same dress uniform as everyone else. A white, firmly pressed button down paired with blue and red striped dress pants, as well as miniature medals decorating his label. Though, somehow, we were also allowed to match those in the festivities of the night. Reindeer accessories decorated his face, as a way to hide his own appearance, with a red nose, white-painted freckles, and ears. As we were on the same unit, he didn’t want to spoil the surprise for Aspen, either, and I appreciated him more than anything for it.
Even if he was probably about to punch the beard off of my face or call me batshit crazy for the “favor” I had planned to ask him.
Weeks ago, when Aspen had relayed the information to me that our test results came back from my own infertility issues, we had immediately begun brainstorming alternatives. We could adopt, look into surrogacy, or go through a donation clinic. But…she was also apprehensive of all of these options, as she wanted someone she trusted to be the father.
And one man she trusted, right along with me, was Lucas.
Lucas loved her—loved us—like family.
But I was about to see just how much he would be willing to do for us.
And just how far he would be willing to go.
THREE
LUCAS
“You want me to dowhat?”I nearly shouted in the parking lot of Toys N’ Barracks as I stared at my best friend and mission leader. My tan complexion looked stark compared to his own pale features as we stood on the festive decorated walkway that was illuminated by fairy lights, faux pine needles, and the reflection of snow.
“I know, I know. I’ve never brought this up to you before. It’s a big ask. But, dude…think about how much this could mean to us. We already consider you family, too.”
I slowly blinked, appalled. “It’s more than a big ask, you fucking dipshit. You’re asking me to fuck—no, impregnate—the girl of your dreams? Have you lost your absolute mind?” My face scrunched up as my breath clouded in front of me. The incredulous feelings I had carried exactly how I wanted them to throughout my tone.
If we weren’t drug tested regularly, I would have assumed this man had smoked more than a joint. Probably crack.