Page 8 of Longing for More
“Someone better get this fucking girl to sit on my lap so I can surprise her. Then I’m going to wing the fuck out of it.”
“That sounds dangerous, Sergeant.”
“Definitely.”
I chuckled, nodding my head before one last question struck me. “Hey, Ryder?”
“Yeah, man?”
“You’re not like…wanting me to fuck you tonight, too, right? Do you even like that stuff?”
“Oh, shut the fuck up. Get back to work. You’re fucking the love of my life, not me,” he muttered, opening the door for me.“Tonight, anyway. I’ve seen your dick in the showers, though. I’d need to prepare for that shit.”
I completely and utterly ignored how my dick twitched, yet again, at his response.
FOUR
ASPEN
“Another White Russian, Ms. Grinch?”
I sighed dramatically. “Would you stop calling me that? I told you. This event has given me serotonin and I’m fine.” And it was, surprisingly enough. Outside of the sadness that clouded me from not experiencing it directly with Ryder, it actually did warm my heart to see everyone filled with Christmas spirit, even more so to see the little kids having the time of their lives.
Little kids and their innocence, along with the parents who trailed behind them happily, easily precluded to me loving Christmas as much as I did.
Natalie pointed a drunken finger at me, careful to not slosh her drink on the gymnasium floor. Granted, the floor was already sticky and grimy from the amount of children who had spilled stuff previously, but I had to give her some sort of credit. “I literally just caught you staring at children and pouting. What the hell was that about? What aren’t you telling me?”
“What?” I asked, exasperated. I was tired of people over analyzing me lately. I wasn’t a fragile piece of glass. “They’re cute! You can pout when you find something cute.”
She gave me an even more pointed stare, with her finger still raised at me, and it took all of my effort to not bite it off entirely.
“Fine! I want a kid. And I was pouting. They’re cute, and I want to pinch their little cheeks. Are you happy now?”
She nodded. “Atta girl. Don’t hide from your best friend. Why can’t you have a baby? Shack Ryder and get to work, girl!”
I flinched. I still hadn’t told her. Her response stung, even though it was laced behind a drunken horniness of some kind.
She grew silent and weary. It was an off reaction from me and she knew it. “What?”
“Erm, we’ve been trying for a while?” I said sheepishly, swallowing the lump in my throat. “And we recently found out he was infertile. So, we’ve been trying to navigate that. Kinda hard when he’s stationed out, though.”
“Oh shit, babe. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry!”
My shoulders shrugged in response to her, even as my brain felt stagnant. “It’s okay. We’re figuring it out. We do what we can, ya know? I’m hoping to surprise him with something when he’s back home, but we’ll see.”
She nodded her head before timidly handing me her drink, to which I actually took and gulped with little thought in my brain. I didn’t want to get drunk by any means, but I wouldn’t deny the fuzzy intoxication that could take away the sadness floating through my brain.
The sadness that kept presenting itself at the thought of my potential lacking future.
Ryder and I would be fine, even if our future didn’t have the expected outcome as I thought it would.
Everything would be fine.
“Alright!” Natalie exclaimed after looking up from her phone and giving her attention back to me. I mentally shrugged, assuming her husband, Blake, had texted her something. She looked excited, and I briefly wondered if he could make it home for the holidays. But Natalie was always private about their exchanges, so I quirked an eyebrow at her, waiting for her tocontinue. “I’m tired of your moping. I love you, but I’m over it. Serious topics or not. It’s Christmas Eve! So, I demand you go sit on Santa’s lap and make a wish for Christmas.”
I blinked at her. Once. And then twice. I think the alcohol was stronger than I thought. “What?”
“You heard me! Go sit on Santa’s lap. Ask him for a baby or some weird shit. Hell, ask him to buy our next round. Cash bars are fucking expensive and I keep giving you all of mine.”