Page 7 of Longing for More
“And what about her? Does she get a say in this?”
“Oh, she’s the one who will be making the last call for anything and everything. Are you kidding? That girl is my life. The only reason I haven’t married her is because I know we were waiting for a baby, and then it kinda spiraled from there. I would never disrespect her like that.”
“And if I don’t even want to be a father? Have you even asked me about that?”
At that thought, he smiled. I squinted at him, deeply confused. I thought my interrogation of him was more than valid, and this reaction came all the way from left field. “Do you remember when you were first assigned to my team? In the tents, when we didn’t even know if we would be coming home some nights? You always talked about your dad with fondness even I didn’t have with my own. And you…wished for it, one night, when we were all boozed out of our mind. Literally. On a fucking star.”
My eyebrow twitched. That didn’t sound too unlike me, even if I don’t remember it, but I was shocked that the man I had practically called my brother for half of my career remembered something like that.
And he was, technically, correct.
I did want to be a father.
The question I asked him was more of a test than anything.
“Okay—here’s another question. You could ask me to donate. And it wouldn’t be nearly as intimate as fucking her. So, why are you asking me to do it this way?”
My mouth parted at his resulting answer, and I had never been more annoyed to be a man as my dick twitched in my uniform. “Oh, my girl is a greedy one. I’m not telling you anything until she agrees—but believe me, I think she’d be happy with this idea, once she gets past the initial shock.”
“We’re getting too old for kids,” I pointed out.
His face scrunched up, offended. “Fuck you. I’m only thirty-six. You’re thirty-eight. Shut up.”
“And the military?”
I didn’t want to leave my future, potential partner alone with the pregnancy or the childcare. I didn’t want to desert them when I didn’t even know if I would be coming home at all. It was the main reason I had never truly pursued children before. So, the fundamental question was, why the fuck was I considering it then—when both of us were in the exact same field and knew how dangerous it was?
I asked him that exact question, to which he hummed. “The love of my life is staying sad all the time. We only have another year left in our contract. I had already thought about retiring. This, if tonight goes as I really hope, is exactly what I want.”
Silence blanketed around us again, falling as easily as the snow. My ears, even under their dumb reindeer headband, were beginning to start burning from the amount of time we had stood out in the frigid weather. Even my fingertips, normally dark from my Latino heritage, had begun turning the faintest shades of red and white.
Hundreds of thoughts raced through my mind.
Was I really considering entering a dynamic with Ryder and his girlfriend?
Did I truly want to become a father? Did I have what it took?
What if Aspen thought this was crossing boundary after boundary, and would never want to see me again for even considering it?
More than that?—
Why was I excited for both the night to come and the future it could potentially hold?
And why did my dick and balls feel heavy at the thought of giving Aspen all of my babies?
With the last thought on my mind, I hung my head, even as my heart began beating out of my chest. “Okay.”
Ryder’s head snapped towards me, surprise and excitement dancing in his tone. “Okay?”
“Okay. But if this doesn’t work out…”
“I’ll take care of it.”
I nodded. “Okay. Uhm, what the fuck do we do now?”
Conveniently enough, as we both turned towards the door to resume our posts and figure out the shit-storm of the rest of the night, Aspen fluttered by the window—cocktail in hand, giggling loudly as Natalie dragged her towards the bouncy castle area.
I cursed. I’d need someone to take over my post so she didn’t see me just yet.