Page 139 of Accepting Fate

Nodding, I tap Willow and stand, brushing the dirt off my shorts. When I turn around, I see everyone standing in line with Shelly and Conrad acting as bookends.

Before we made our way up here, I had Grayson stop at the hardware store downtown. He kneels down by the backpack and hands me a packet of sunflower seeds.

I didn’t explain to him exactly what I wanted to do, and he didn’t ask. He just waited for me to tell him what I needed and did it. I think he knew that if I explained, I would back out.

I need to do this so I can feel some semblance of peace.

As Grayson walks over to everyone and hands them their own packets, I take a deep breath, trying to find the strength to explain why we are here.

Willow plasters herself against my leg and it grounds me.

Avoiding eye contact, I stare down at the packet of seeds in my hand. "You are all up here to help me lay a soul to rest that has suffered for too long. My mother did everything she could with the life that she was given. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a great one, but she was a fighter when she could be. Her memory doesn’t deserve the dark cloud of the demon that took her away from me. It deserves to have a bright shining light, and that is what we are here to do.”

Steeling my spine, I try to find the courage to meet the gazes of my family. I choose to look at Grayson because if I look at anyone else, I will break.

"I can’t rewrite her story. And no matter how much I wish she was here, I don’t know if I would have found the strength to escape the darkness and get to where I am today. I will always love her, and I want to remember her death as the strength that got me to fight back and silence the demons."

I hold up the seeds. "When these grow, I want to believe they are her finding her light, just like I did.”

I don’t know if the tears in my eyes are clouding my vision, but I swear I see tears fill Grayson’s eyes. Quickly swiping the ones from my own eyes, it’s no use when I see him do the same.

I won’t make it through this watching my caveman cry, even if he’s trying to hide it, so I turn and look back out at the valley.

As I walk to the edge, Willow follows me.

Ripping the packet open, I tilt my head back, letting the sun warm my face and collecting myself so I can make it through this last part.

"Claire Eloise Sawyer. Mom. You didn’t die at the hands of your demons. You fought for us. You fought for me and I want to thank you. Without you, I would have never escaped. I hope you are dancing your butt off up there. You deserve to be happy. Be the light for yourself and with these, remind us down here that you are finally free. I love you, Mom.”

Tears flow freely down my face, and I pour seeds to the ground below.

As the last seed falls, a weight lifts off my chest.

I stand back and watch as the rest of my family pays their respects, each one whispering something as they do. Grayson is the last one to go and I walk closer to hear what he says.

"I promise I will keep her safe. It could have been fate but I like to think it was you. Thank you for setting her free and guiding her to me.”

My legs threaten to give out at his words. Grayson turns around to see me standing there and walks over to me, hugging me to him.

I never believed in signs or fate until I met him, but hearing his words confirm everything.

All along, I thought the moment I accepted that fate was what brought me to him and allowed me to find my light. But it turns out, now that I set Mom free, as well as myself, that fate may have had a little help in the form of a warrior.

Epilogue

SittingonGrayson’slap,and watching Noah argue with Shelly about who Willow loves more, feels bittersweet.

Looking down at my hand, I am still shocked at how beautiful my ring is. I didn’t have a long time to look at the ring before Gray took it and decided at that moment, we needed to go swimming, but it is perfect. Grayson has caught me staring at it and teases me about it.

Every time I look at it, I’m amazed that I found a man that somehow knew what I would love, without me even knowing it myself.

After we got back from our hike turned engagement, Grayson wanted me to get straight to planning but I can’t. The idea of getting married, while knowing Allie is out there somewhere, makes me physically sick. I told him as soon as we find her and get her settled, then we can start planning.

He was more than understanding but Shelly insisted we have a party to celebrate our engagement, and I’m happy to have the distraction.

I knew they already loved me but after our hike, we told Grayson’s parents everything. Shelly hugged me and told me that she knew she could never replace my mom or Mrs. Evans but would love to have me as her daughter, and I truly felt it. Conrad isn’t a man of many words, but he gave me a look I knew all too well from his sons. It meant that I was one of them and he would do anything to protect me.

My mother’s memorial felt freeing but until we find Allie and give the Evans a proper goodbye, I know the last dark cloud hanging over me won’t go away.