Page 2 of His Daggered Heart

Someone once told me to be careful when it came to love, and I thought I was. I knew Alex was pretty poison. The problem was I wanted to drink every last drop. Like an addict knowing the next hit could kill me, yet I still did it. Took every hit to numb the pain from a loveless life since my mom died. I used to be toxic, just like her. I think that’s part of why I fell in love with her so fast. The healing I’ve done to become the calmer man I am today took work. Right now, it feels like all the work was for nothing. I should just be the man everyone thinks I am, right?

I should just be the manshethinks I am. But what’s the point? It won’t matter, not to her. It’s not going to make anything better. If we have a second chance at this I want to make sure she knows I’m not fucking around. It’s her. I only want her. In this life, in the next life, and on whatever other timelines we exist. It will always be Alex. She is it for me. We are young and it’s fast. I know this. It’s unexplainable. The pull I feel to her, like magnets, planets, gravity… And no matter what stands between us, it’s her. Loving Alex takes me back to a time when I wasn’t broken, when I felt like living wasn’t the hardest thing to do.

I’m the king of the campus, the guy everyone thinks has it all. What would they think if they knew I felt like nothing? The endless women, the drugs, the friends, the parties… None of it filled the hole inside me.

Alex thinks I don’t know what it feels like to be a black hole. Well, I do, and right now I want to drink away all my sorrows like I used to in the past. I pick up my phone and call my therapist. I need a session ASAP. I feel myself slipping into a dark cloud without Alex. She thinks she’s all darkness but the truth is she is the light, my North Star, my Angel.

My therapist answers on the first ring and I make an appointment for later this afternoon. Until then, I will just walk around with a broken fucking heart, my wounds dripping onto the pavement. Can a broken heart still beat? Hers does, so it must.

Chapter 2

Alex

Asexpected,LeviandI have hung out every day since I met him. He doesn’t look at me like I’m a piece of meat and treats me with respect. He doesn’t hit on me at all and I haven’t decided if I’m offended or not. He goes shopping with me and tells me when something looks good. He says I’m beautiful or tells me I look good but it’s in more of a brotherly way. Again, I can’t decide if I’m offended or if he is just that much of a Southern gentleman.

Turns out he is a transfer student from Texas A&M Kingsville but was offered a sports scholarship here. I didn’t ask which sport and when he tried to tell me, I stopped him. I didn’t want to know. With my shit luck, it would be a gymnast and I just don’t want to connect any dots right now. The only thing I do know is that he doesn’t start until the next season because that’s how good he is. They want him here to train before he officially even starts.

I haven’t told Cora about him so we mostly hang out when I’m not with her. She’s been traveling quite a bit lately and taking online classes, instead of enjoying the summer. I’m not as ambitious. I want to take my summer break and enjoy it to the fullest.

Having Levi as my new guy best friend has helped with the Kohen heartbreak. He knows everything and didn’t try and take up for Kohen just because they are both guys. I know Kohen is busy training and has been traveling a lot as well. Good for him. I’m sure he’s getting his dick wet every chance he gets. I haven’t unblocked him but I know he checks up on me. Cora said he asks about me but I don’t care. I asked her to stop telling me. One thing about me is when I’m done, I’m done, and that girl answering his phone sealed our fate as a couple.

Levi and I make our way to the square. It’s the heart of our little college town. Everyone hangs out here. There are always special events going on and today Levi is dragging me out to a carnival.

“Smile, buttercup,” he tells me annoyingly as he pinches my cheek.

“I am smiling, see?” I fake a huge grin and point at my chubby cheek.

“That isn’t a smile, sweetheart, that is the look of someone about to commit murder.” He laughs.

“Yeah, and you’re my victim!” I say, shoving his shoulder.

He pulls me into his side and I look up at him, a smirk plastered on his sweet face. Those ocean-blue eyes are gorgeous as I stare into them. Me, I like hazel green, but alas those eyes aren’t the ones comforting me right now. Levi is a comfort I didn’t know I needed. He is basically the male version of Cora. Clearly, I have a friend type. This platonic friendship is like nothing I have ever experienced from a man. His warm sunshine skin and ocean eyes make me feel like I’m home…if I knew what having a home felt like. The comfort that the shores of those eyes bring me is something special.

Kohen was supposed to be my home.

We make our way up to the ticket booth, memories of Kohen flooding my senses. The ticket booth, the picture booth, the roller coaster... Everything. I shake away the memories.Hechose to leave. He didn’t want this, so why am I the one feeling like I’m doing something wrong by moving on?

I feel Levi bump my shoulder with his. “What’s up, buttercup?” he asks, his radiant smile warming me.

“Nothing, I was just remembering something,” I reply, gracing him with a weak smile.

“Oh, I bet I know what you were remembering.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “You were thinking of that special roller coaster ride, huh?” He bursts out in a fit of laughter and I smack him. When I say I told himeverything,I mean every single thing. He is my best fucking friend right now, and I don’t know where I would be without him.

“Come on, let’s get in line for this coaster before it gets too long. But don’t get any ideas.” He laughs once more and runs ahead before I smack him again.

This is one of my favorite things about him. He accepts me for who I am, flaws and all, and doesn’t judge me for a single moment. He is literally the perfect guy. Notmyperfect guy, though. Some girl is going to be really lucky to fall in love with him someday.

I slow my pace as I get to him, a shiver working over my body and down my spine. Levi must notice, being the gentleman he is, because he offers me his button-up. I kindly decline. While he smells good, there is only one man’s clothes I’ll wear.

He wraps his arm around me and I lean in, placing my head on his shoulder. Another shiver travels down my spine. I look around, feeling like I’m being watched, but I don’t see anyone I know, so I ignore it.

“You sure you’re alright, sweetness?” he asks, his Southern drawl wrapping around me like a soft hug.

“Yes, I’m alright,” I say, mocking his accent. We laugh but then a sadness washes over me without permission. He must notice because he taps my elbow.

I look up at him and concern laces his features. Unspoken words pass between us. He’s worried but won’t ask because he knows I don’t want him to.

“I’m not okay, but I will be. Because of you.”