Page 10 of Keeping Lilith

It was all too confusing for her. All these companies and agencies. She’d tried to absorb as much as possible duringthe year she’d been living by herself after Freedom and Love dissolved.

She knew nothing. Her education had been basic, which was why she could only get waitressing jobs. Not having a recognized education had been a major downfall for her, and she was far too old now to go back to school to further her knowledge. By the time she’d finished, she would be too old to be employed by a big company.

Lilith flopped down on the bed as realization sunk in that she had nothing to look forward to. Life was always going to be hard. A yearning she never thought she’d experience threatened to drown her. A yearning to go back to Freedom and Love or The Hopeful Sunshine. At least there, she’d known her place. How she belonged in the grand scheme of things. It may have sucked, but she hadn’t had to worry about paying rent to keep a roof over her head, no matter how awful that roof may be.

“It’s going to be okay, Lilith. Whatever’s going through your mind, we’ll find a solution.”

Cass may have thought her words meant well, but they didn’t. The assertion that “we’ll find a solution” indicated that Lilith had people who would help her.

She didn’t.

She never had anyone looking out for her or helping her. Nearly everyone in her whole life had used her for menial tasks, or expected better of her than she could achieve.

“Why? Why would you want to help me? Someone you’ve never met. Someone you don’t even know. What is it you want from me?!” Lilith was yelling by the time she’d finished. If they kicked her out, it was deserved, but she didn’t know how to deal with all of this.

A bed that was soft.

New clothes.

A house that had wood floors, not sand. Where there weren’t bugs crawling over the walls. Her apartment from before The Hopeful Sunshine had been little better than the hut she’d lived in.

“Everything good here,Alistronia?”

Lilith looked up and found Irish standing in the doorway, his blue eyes intense as he looked between her and Cass.

“It’s all good.” Cass patted her husband’s arm. She didn’t even looked freaked out at Lilith’s outburst. In fact, she looked as serene as she had been when she’d first appeared at Lilith’s door.

“You got this?” he asked his wife quietly.

“I do. Go, we’ll be fine.”

Again, Lilith couldn’t believe Cass wasn’t grabbing her and throwing her out the front door. She didn’t deserve their kindness. It didn’t matter if they believed Julian knew her. He didn’t. Not really.

“I’m sorry,” Lilith whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

The bed dipped a little as Cass sat next to her. Not touching but letting her know she was nearby. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve been through a lot. And here you are, in a place with people you’ve never met. People who you have no reason to trust. We should’ve done better to prove you’re safe here. That you won’t be hurt. If you don’t want to stay here, then we’ll take you somewhere else. Do you have family here who might be missing you?”

Lilith snorted at the last question. “My family don’t care about me. They wouldn’t even know that I’ve been missing for the last year.”

“Friends then. Is there someone I can contact for you?”

“There’s no one. I’ve lived in cults since I was two. One year I had out in the big wide world, and even then, I couldn’t cope and got sucked back into another cult. So, yeah, no one cares whathappens to me. I could die, and no one would even bat an eyelid that Lilith Kenny was no longer breathing.”

“I would.”

Lilith froze when she heard Julian’s voice. How did all these people manage to come to the room without her knowing or hearing their approach?

At The Hopeful Sunshine, she’d tried to be aware of her surroundings. Unawareness could’ve put her in danger. But here, people kept coming up, and she had no idea.

What did that mean?

Nothing! It means nothing.

“I find that very hard to believe,” she responded to Julian’s decree. “I don’t mean to be rude, but can you all leave? I need to be alone.”

She was totally being rude, but she didn’t care. Shedidneed to be alone. She wanted to shower. Wear something new.

“When you’re ready, we’ll be in the kitchen.” Cass got up, pausing in the doorway to give Julian a quick hug before disappearing down the hallway, leaving just the two of them. The second Cass disappeared, Lilith wanted to call her back.