Page 12 of Keeping Lilith
“I’m guessing once Freedom and Love was dissolved, she was free to go wherever she wanted?” Cass asked the question, and with her computer skills, she could get the answers she wanted with a few keystrokes. But unless she was asked to, Cass didn’t investigate those she didn’t know.
“I assume so. I just . . .” He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, taking the few seconds to get his thoughts into some sort of order. “I have no idea what she's been through the last couple of years. I’ve got no idea how she ended up back in another cult. Once the dust had settled after the raid on the commune, all the money that Ralph had taken from his victims was distributed back to all the former members. As evil as Ralph was, he wasa whiz with money. All the proceeds from the bank accounts were distributed among all the members. From what I saw, the amounts that were handed out should’ve been enough for Lilith to get started in her new life. How did this happen to her again?” He whispered the final words, wishing the answer would pop into his head.
“LA isn’t the cheapest place to live. Even with a good nest egg, you can blow through money pretty quickly. It's not your fault, man,” Irish said.
“Isn't it though?” Julian asked. “I was part of why she believed she was worthless. I found out she was two years old when her family joined F&L. That was all she knew. And being a girl, she wasn’t privy to getting a good education. All the girls were taught the very basics of reading, writing, and math.” Julian thought back to his earlier conversation with his mentor. “Mac said that some people prefer to go back to the safety of what they know after being out in the world. Prisoners prefer prison. Maybe that's what she did. Maybe she found The Hopeful Sunshine because that's what she felt comfortable with. Perhaps she liked living there and doing whatever menial tasks they handed out to her.”
God, he didn’t want that for Lilith. He wanted her to be able to shine. To spread her wings and experience life. She was worth so much more than to be subservient to an asshole.
Why hadn’t her parents helped her? They had been in the cult for a long time, but they’d grown up outside the teachings of Ralph. Surely they would’ve given her some insights on how to deal with things.
“Maybe,” Cass responded, coming up to squeeze his shoulder. “I don’t know her at all, and only have my first impression to go on, but I don't think she willingly chose to rejoin another cult. To me, she looks like somebody who wants to change her life, but doesn't know how to do it. She looks lost.”
Cass had worked for the CIA before she worked for Alliez. She would’ve been trained to read people, even though she’d been more ofa computer analyst than a profiler.
But was Cass right? Had Lilith been so lost that somehow, someway, she’d gotten caught up with The Hopeful Sunshine through no fault of her own? Their file had contained little information about how they’d dragged and lured everyone into the clutches. If it was like all the other cults he’d researched, the leader, Staunton Rello, would’ve promised things to trap them on site and would’ve then gone back on his word, leaving people like Lilith with no option but to stay there. After a while, they would’ve been brainwashed to believe everything Staunton said, as edicts to live by.
Men like Staunton and Ralph liked playing God. They loved the power trips being in charge gave them. They got a thrill when their tricks worked and they had another victim to join them.
“Do you want something to eat or drink?” Irish asked.
Julian shook his head. “Thanks, but I think it's probably best that I get as far away from Lilith as possible tonight but let me know if she needs anything.”
“Will do. We’ll look after her and make sure she’s got everything she needs. Cass told you she was welcome here for as long as she needs. That hasn’t changed.”
But would Lilith believe it? She was probably programmed to think that any friendly gesture came with a payment. No way Cass and Irish would turn her out. They wouldn’t walk into Lilith’s room and say, “Now that you've got clean clothes, had a shower and some food, you need to leave. We don't want you around.”But Lilith wouldn’t know that. Hopefully, Irish and Cass could convince her their offer was genuine.
After so many years of having people who he thought were his friends, but finding out they only liked him when they needed him, he appreciated the two people in this room morethan they would ever know. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I'll see myself out.”
Julian walked into his silent,empty house and tossed his keys on the side table. The place was a sanctuary for him now.
After everything had gone down with his parents kidnapping his sister Rose, the fallout from that, along with Freedom and Love’s demise, he’d spent some time roaming the country, trying to discover himself, picking up jobs here and there and living frugally.
Eventually, the urge to stop the suffering of the oppressed had led him to accept the offer from the FBI to work for them. He settled in the LA office, away from Nevada and the reminders of where’d he’d spent a good portion of his life.
Even with all he’d achieved in his new role, the people he’d help rescue, guilt was still his constant companion. The insistent feeling he wasn't worthy of everything that he had. That he should be living on the street, begging for food because that was what he deserved after what he'd done.
Julian sat on his couch, rubbing his hands down his face. In the silence of his home, he raised the volume on the thoughts and doubts that lived in his mind.
Was he doing the right thing by working for the FBI?
The answer to that was easy—yes, he was. He was fortunate that they’d taken him on, considering that he hadn’t gone through all the hoops most people did to join the organization. By doing what he was tasked with, he gave people back theirlives. He was involved in the shutting down of not only vile cults but also sex trafficking of children, women, men, young and old.
It was very altruistic of him, arrogant almost, that he believed he was the one changing their lives. Those thoughts made him almost as bad as the men that he brought down.
On the other hand, he enjoyed knowing he was screwing over the people who were taking advantage of those innocents who needed help and encouragement, not enslavement.
Julian stood abruptly and strode over to the small wet bar in the corner of his living room and poured himself a whiskey, downing the contents in one go, welcoming the burn of liquor at the back of his throat.
Right after he’d gotten out of hospital after being shot in the leg by his father, he’d almost turned to alcohol to lose himself and quieten the thoughts in his mind. All it had taken was one night and a hell of a hangover for him to learn that wasn’t the answer.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see Mac’s name flashing on the screen. What was his mentor doing, calling him this late? “Mac? Everything okay? Did something happen at the facility?”
“Everything’s fine. As far as I know, all the IDs have been handed out, and people are bedded down for the night. I’m calling to check in on you. Are you all right? I'm worried about you. You looked defeated when I left you.”
A small smile lifted the corners of Julian's mouth. It had been a long time since anybody had cared about what he was going through. Although that wasn’t quite true. Rose always asked when they spoke, and when he said he was fine, she called him out. They weren’t back to how close they’d been before their parents got sucked into Ralph Williamson’s teachings, but they were getting there. “I'm fine, just tired.”
“You say that, but I’m not sure I believe you. I still want you to take some time off. You need a break.”