Page 22 of Keeping Lilith
Once again, her inability to trust was coming into play. She’d thought she’d made some inroads into that way of thinking. But it was easy to fall back on what she was used to, and knew well, rather than keeping up with the new vows she’d silently decided upon.
When she’d been with Julian, she’d been ready to commit to her new edicts, but she hadn’t seen him for a couple of days. Would she ever see him again or would history repeat? It seemed too hard to change.
“Everything is so confusing.”
“It’s not surprising, considering what you’ve been through your whole life. It’s going to take time to process and deprogram what you’ve learned. Give yourself some grace. It’s been less than a week since you were given your freedom. It won’t happen overnight.”
“I know.” And she did, but it didn’t ease her frustration with the process.
“You just want it to be quicker.”
Lilith chuckled. “Yeah, I do.”
“That’s reasonable. We always want trials to end quicker than they take. But sometimes the journey is what we need to get the clarity and closure we need. So take the slow journey and learn. No one expects you to change in a day, and if they do, then they’re not your friends.”
“Apart from you and Irish, I don’t have any friends who are waiting for me to get back to normal. Having friends to talk things over with is something I’ve never had.”
Wasn’t that just another small indication of how much her life had sucked? Lilith did have memories of playing with some of the other girls from Freedom and Love when she’d been younger, but then, as she’d entered her teenage years, most of those girls drifted away. More than likely, they had been married off, and because she hadn’t been, they’d wanted nothing to do with her.
As for the women in The Hopeful Sunshine, there was nothing sunshiny about them. At least not to her. They always ignored Lilith. Perhaps they’d been warned to stay away from her. Maybe Staunton had been worried they’d change from being the sweet and subservient women they were to defiant like Lilith had been at the beginning. After a couple of months, Lilith learned again to act the way they expected, while inside she’d kept the anger burning.
“Well, not only do you have us, but you’ll also have Teresa and Eveline. All the guys in the office will make you feel welcome too. And there’s Julian. He’s also your friend.”
Her chest fluttered at hearing Julian’s name, but she took a deep breath to calm it. Nothing was happening with Julian, no matter what he’d said to her before he’d disappeared out Irish and Cass’s front door. “He hasn’t been around,” she muttered.
“Not by choice, I’m sure. If he got called into work, then there was a reason for it. He’s very good at his job.”
This was her opportunity to learn what Julian did with the FBI. How he got there in the first place, but could she ask Cass those burning questions?
No.
She should ask Julian, if she saw him again, that was. Although the way Cass was speaking, it was as if she knew something about Julian that Lilith didn’t. Which wasn’t surprising, considering it had been years since she’d last seen Julian. “I’m glad to hear he’s good at his job. If he weren’t, he probably wouldn’t have it.”
Cass laughed and pulled into a driveway that led to an underground car park. “There is that, for sure.”
The area brimmed with a variety of cars. The vehicles with cords hanging out of them fascinated her. “What kind of cars are those?”
Man, could she sound any more naïve? Who didn’t know about cars?
“Oh, those are electric ones. They’re becoming very popular. I’d like to get one, but I can’t quite convince Irish that they’re a good idea.”
Electric cars.
The concept didn’t seem real to her. Then again, what did she know about technology and all the things that people were inventing? The one year she’d been out, she’d tried to learn as much as possible, but it was hard to cram over two decades’ worth of growth and education in a couple hours a day. “I’m sorry, that really was a dumb question.”
“What are you sorry for?” Cass asked as she exited the car. “And there’s no such thing as dumb questions. Ask anything you want. I’m more than happy to answer them.”
“Thanks, but I feel like this character I watched in a movie before—well,you know—anyway, the character came from the past into the future and didn’t know what was going on. Didn’tunderstand how things worked. I’m from a time long ago. I’m thirty. I’m the same generation as you. I should know stuff like this.”
“But you lived in a place where they withheld things like that from you.” Cass reached out and squeezed her forearm. “This is a new world for you. No one is going to judge you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because if they do, they’ll have to not only answer to me, they’ll have to answer to Julian. There’s no way he’s going to allow anyone to mistreat you.”
Cass’s faith in Julian was unwavering. Why did she keep mentioning him? But what Lilith wanted was to stop talking about her past. About what she didn’t know. “Right.”
They made their way to the office in silence, and the closer they got to the door, the more the nerves from earlier came flying back. Cass walked through the glass door emblazoned with the Alliez Security logo, holding it open for Lilith. She paused. If she willed it hard enough, would the logo come to life so she could grab the shield and two swords and use them to protect herself from what she was about to walk into? Only they didn’t. Taking a deep breath, Lilith walked into the welcoming reception area.