Page 26 of Keeping Lilith

Lilith opened the drawer where Cass had told her to stash her purse and stood, straightening the dress, still not used to the sensation of wearing something soft and flattering. “Shall we go?”

Julian crooked his elbow in an old-fashioned, gentlemanly pose. “We shall.”

Lilith hooked her arm through his, and together they left the Alliez offices. In a flash, they were striding outside into the sunshine. As if he knew exactly what she needed, Julian paused just outside and let her stand in the sun. The warm rays soaked into her flesh. It was so different to stand in the sun and appreciate the heat it generated, rather than it scorching her back through her thin dress as she worked in the garden.

The sound of traffic and buzz of conversation reminded Lilith that she was far away from The Hopeful Sunshine, and she could do what she wanted. Eat what she wanted. Drink what she wanted. All when she wanted. The freedom was heady, and she grabbed it and held it tight. This was a feeling she never wanted to give up. “I will not get sucked in again,” she whispered.

“No, you won’t.”

Of course Julian heard her whispered vow. It didn’t embarrass her that he knew what she’d said. “This time is going to be different.”

And she had a feeling the man next to her was part of the reason she believed things wouldn’t be like they had been the last time she’d been granted her freedom. But she didn’t want to think about that now. She wanted to savor the moment. “Where shall we get food?”

The popular sandwich shop she’d eaten from in the past was just down the road. A couple of other cafes were around as well. She didn’t know if they did takeout,but she assumed they would, considering the office buildings surrounding them.

“There’s a great little café just down that way.” Julian pointed to his left. “They do tasty pasta, salad, soup, and sandwiches. Not to mention, they also make the best brownies I’ve ever had.”

Lilith’s stomach grumbled at the mention of the variety of dishes. “Lead the way.”

Their arms were still entwined, and Lilith had to admit she enjoyed the touch. Or maybe she just enjoyed Julian’s touch. Whatever, she was pleased she didn’t want to run as far away as possible when someone touched her.

The walk to the café didn’t take long, and Julian had been right. There was so much to choose from that she had a hard time working out what she wanted. In the end, she settled for a salad with chicken and a brownie. Julian carried the bag as they walked toward the park. She couldn’t wait until they got there. She’d take her shoes off and curl her toes in the grass first thing. Some people might think that she was weird, but she didn’t care. Nothing was quite like soaking up and connecting with nature.

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” Lilith breathed out the second she saw the expansive green space. The branches of the large trees provided plenty of shade. In the far-right corner was a playground, where some young children squealed in happiness as their parents pushed them on the swings.

There were hedges, which had small white flowers. The scent teased her nostrils, but she couldn’t place what it was.

“Jasmine,” Julian supplied. “That’s what you're smelling,” he finished, when she looked up at him quizzically.

“It’s strong.”

“It is, but I like it. The flowers don’t last long though. A couple of weeks after the bushes bloom, the flowers are gone, and there’s nothing left but the greenery.”

“You sound sad about that,” she said, as she sat on the bench he’d steered them to, all thoughts of sinking her toes into the grass forgotten as she wanted to know more about why the short flower life seemed to upset him.

“It’s so fleeting. I love the scent, and just wish it lasted a little longer.”

Lilith took her salad from him, thinking over his words. Were his thoughts about the plant the same as life? That it was fleeting and could get snatched away when least expected?

Had he seen a lot of death in his job with the FBI? Did he only work on ridding the country of cults? Surely there weren’t that many in the world? When they’d raided The Hopeful Sunshine, there didn’t seem to be any casualties. Had no one been running at them with weapons? She didn’t think Staunton believed in guns, but she could’ve been wrong.

Or did he do more with his job? Was he involved in more violent raids? Had he had to kill someone? Could she ask him?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

“Do you see a lot of death in your job with the FBI?” Her question was a combination of the things she’d wanted to ask him.

Julian placed his BLT on the paper it had been wrapped in. “My job is more in locating and advising, and then going in after everyone has been cleared out. I observe, but I don’t get involved with the agents and other teams when they do their thing.”

“Do you want to be more involved? Do you want to be part of those teams that go in and deal with the scum who run things?”

Julian gazed off into the distance, and she wished she could see his face. Catalogue what he was thinking and feeling. With him turned away from her, it was like he was rejecting her a bit. Lilith quickly tamped down that thought because if he didn’t want to tell her anything, he would’ve changed the subject when she’d asked her first question about his job. But he’d answered, and that meant he would likely answer her other question. She just needed to give him time.

He did turn back, and his eyes were bleak. She longed to reach out and hug him. Assure him that everything was okay. The strength of her desires didn’t shock her. In fact, it felt natural, this need to comfort him.

“Every time we go to a place like The Hopeful Sunshine, I’m reminded of what I didn’t do. What I turned my back on. What I let happened to you. To Rose. To every woman and child in Freedom and Love. The guilt is constant, but there’s also a sense of satisfaction that I’ve been part of a group that’s stopping them from harming more innocent people.” He wrapped up his half-eaten sandwich, as though he needed to do something with his hands. “But that’s not all I do. The taskforce I’m part of also works to stop the ever-increasing sex trafficking trade. The horrors the teams see . . . I don’t know how they do it. How they can be so stoic and not let what happens on these raids affect them.”

“How do you know it doesn’t? I don’t think anyone could be that cold. That what they saw didn’t affect them in a small way.”