Page 20 of Guilty Mothers
Sounded like most of Kim’s bosses over the years.
‘Narcissistic mothers exist on a spectrum from neglectful to tyrannical and will begin the ongoing damage by labelling her children as one of three types.’
Judith paused, and Kim nodded for her to continue. There was something about this woman’s knowledge that had drawn Katie here for advice, and she had to find out what it was.
‘Firstly, you have the golden child. This child is worshipped. They are a reflection of everything the mother wants for herself. This one has to fulfil the mother’s emotional emptiness and give her attention. This is the trophy child.’
Kim briefly considered Katie’s achievements. Was that the label Sheryl had given her?
‘Next, we have the scapegoat child. This one gets blamed for the family’s problems. Narcissistic mothers are threatened by them as they tend to click to what’s going on in the home. The mother uses unpredictable mood swings and bullying to keep this child in line. The mother takes credit for everything good, and the child takes the blame for everything bad. The child’s achievements will always be minimised.’
As Katie was an only child, Kim guessed this wasn’t the case for their murderer.
‘And finally, we have the lost child. This one is quiet and causes no trouble and is good in school. They are prone to depression, as being a low-value child carries over into being a low-value adult.’
‘You said narcissists exist on a spectrum,’ Bryant said, mirroring her own thoughts. Although speaking generally, Judith was telling them that Sheryl had been one. It was safe to assume that having had no siblings, Katie had been the golden child and had therefore been responsible for her mother’s emotional state. But how had Sheryl’s emotional dependence manifested itself?
‘Severe narcissistic mothers will lock kids in their rooms. They’re completely neglectful and happy for the streets to raise their kids. They simply don’t care.’
They both knew immediately that didn’t apply to Katie.
‘An enmeshed mother is harder to spot but no less deadly. She applies emotional handcuffs and never lets go. She may seem perfect, but she’s turning her kids into lifelong infants. She’ll never allow them to grow up. She’ll make them feel unsafe outside the home. She’ll punish them for being self-sufficient. If they’re a boy, she’ll turn them into a surrogate husband and suffocate them. She’ll ruin them for every other woman in their life.’
‘And if they’re a girl?’ Kim asked.
‘Phew, now we’re really getting to it. The relationship between a narcissistic mother and her daughter is one of the most complex bonds that exists. Remember, this isn’t the case for all mothers and daughters. Only the narcissistic ones.’
Judith paused as though to ensure this was understood.
Kim nodded for her to continue. It was insight they desperately needed.
‘The relationship revolves around manipulation and control. Mother is constantly making daughter feel guilty about something. The manipulation is always about guilt. She will pretend to care deeply, maybe by buying things, and then start the guilt trips which are designed to control the daughter’s emotions and therefore her behaviour. She will control by withholding affection and giving them the silent treatment. Mothers can go weeks or even months without speaking to their child.
‘The mother will gossip to family members, undermine the child and project their dissatisfaction. She’ll play the victim and ignore any suffering as she is unable to show empathy or compassion. Everything is about her. She will attempt to live through her daughter and won’t even realise there’s a problem.’
‘Physical abuse?’ Bryant asked.
Judith shook her head. ‘Abuse is rarely physical. It’s verbal, dismissive, with constant analysis and criticism, shouting and swearing, insults, disparaging jokes, steady prodding about weight, body type, denying embraces, disregarding, threatening, confining. The list goes on. She’ll use guilt trips and fear or obligation. She’ll gaslight and shame her daughter.’
‘And what are the long-lasting effects?’ Kim asked, again picturing the scenes she’d witnessed this morning.
‘What’s happened?’ Judith asked.
‘I can’t say, but if you check the news later, I’m sure you’ll work it out. For now, I need you to answer the question.’
A pensive expression rested on Judith’s face as she collected the cups together.
Clearly the answer to this one called for another drink.
FIFTEEN
Tiff found herself a dry spot underneath the canopy of the crematorium.
Sandwell Valley in West Bromwich had been one of the first locations to offer digital post-mortems, and this was where the body of James Nixon had been brought. The process was less invasive than a physical autopsy, with imaging scans used to develop three-dimensional images for a virtual exploration of a human body.
Logan came into sight about thirty feet away. He offered her a wave and a wide smile. The gesture felt a little odd, under the circumstances, but she supposed he was just relieved to see someone familiar given the gruesomeness of the task.
‘Sorry, I’m not late, am I?’ he asked,