Page 86 of See It Through
“Me too.” She ran the tip of her manicured finger around the rim of her glass. “But I missed so many years, and I will have to die with that regret. There’s no going back and fixing things now. If I could, I would have moved to Wyoming with Connell as I promised. I could have run for office here and left my mark. It could have been extraordinary. But I’d been so set on one path, I chose it over and over, no matter what I lost, instead of veering off and having everything.”
I scrubbed the scruff on my jaw, mulling over the point of her telling me this story. I thought I understood it, but I needed her to say it.
Lily didn’t wait for me to ask.
“When Graham passed, it snuffed out some of Hannah’s light. He’d been a second father to her, a best friend too. But then you came back, and little by little, my bright Hannah-girl resurfaced. I’ve seen you together, Remington. It’s clear to me there’s something special between you, yet when I asked you when you were leaving, your answer was it’s all you know. That may have been true before, but now you know what it is to be loved and adored by Hannah Kelly. Seems to me you’d be trying your damnedest to come up with a plan on what staying in Sugar Brush looks like so you can love and adore her back.”
A vise tightened around my chest. I wanted to tell her she didn’t know shit. I wouldn’t have said it that way since she was who she was, but I still wanted to be able to tell her that. Except I couldn’t. What she was saying rang true. That was why I’d been so fucking bowled over when Hannah ended things an hour ago.
I’d been loved and adored by her. She might not have said it, but hell, I hadn’t told her I loved and adored her either.
I was only realizing that was the floating feeling I got whenever I was near her, or thought of her, or someone even mentioned her goddamn beautiful name.
“You don’t have to say a word, darling,” Lily went on as she rose to her feet, wineglass in hand. “I do hope you took in my story as a cautionary tale. Don’t walk away and miss the beauty you could have had. If you do, I can guarantee you won’t be as lucky as I was. Hannah won’t be waiting for you when you finally come to your senses.” She lowered her chin, giving me an imperious look. “That, I will make sure of, Remington Town.”
Lily whirled away and strode over to the bar. She perched on a stool, her legs crossed, shoulders relaxed, as if she hadn’t just eviscerated me for the second time tonight.
Damn these Kelly women.
Can’t live without them.
I sat for a minute, trying to catch my breath and make up my mind on my next step. Once I did, I tossed cash onto the table to pay for the food I barely touched and my half-full beer and stood.
I could’ve let things settle, but if I’d taken anything from the story Lily had just told me, it was not to wait.
Hitting the street, I turned in the direction of Hannah’s place.
She might’ve thought we were over, but she was wrong. I wouldn’t be letting her go. Not when she didn’t understand what we’d both be losing.
Chapter Thirty-three
Hannah
Phoebe had fed mehomemade apple cider donuts. She’d rubbed my back and unbraided and rebraided my hair. She’d listened to me spill my guts.
Now she was giving me the strongest side-eye. So powerful, it cut through the tears blurring my vision.
“I don’t think you get it, Phe. He’s signing the deed of the house over to me. He’s cutting all ties with Sugar Brush. He’s gonna leave and never ever come back. I can’t love that man. I won’t do it to myself.”
She sat in the armchair catty-corner from where I was sprawled on her couch and folded her arms. “Oh, I heard that, and I can imagine how you must have felt when you discovered what he was doing.”
Like I’d been throat-punched. I hadn’t been able to breathe or think straight.
That night Remi had shared his passion with me while I’d sat in his lap, I’d known. He came alive showing me his pictures. More than I’d ever seen him, and I truly loved that for him, even as my heart broke.
What I’d known that night had been confirmed yesterday. I’d meant to avoid him, to give myself space so I didn’t fall any deeper, but he’d asked me to come in after kissing me silly, and I hadn’t said no.
Silly.
He’d gone to get me a drink in his kitchen, and I’d spotted the papers poking out from under a magazine on the beat-up coffee table.
He was giving me the house, and the meaning could not have been more clear. Remi was leaving sooner rather than later, and he wasn’t coming back.
“I felt stupid,” I told Phe. “A complete fool.”
“And so, instead of talking it over with Remi, you just…ended it? Without telling him the real reason? Without asking him a single question about the papers you saw?” She kicked my shin, a little harder than would be called gentle. “You’re not one to hold your tongue, Banana. I don’t get it.”
“He was on my doorstep, Phe. If I would have let him in, I’d have caved, and I can’t.” I pressed my hand to my chest. Somehow, it was whole even when it felt like it was crumbling. “He was always going to leave. I let myself forget for a while, and it was so beautiful. I got attached when I promised myself I wouldn’t. But I can’t help myself. It’s my cursed brain.”