Page 30 of Whiskey & Honey

This is always my favorite part of our weekends at the lake. Of course, I love being with my friends. It’s just that it can be overwhelming. Jameson, Landon, and Owen are a lot of testosterone while Ashton is her own little party of crazy. Add to that already rowdy bunch one Bentley Sullivan, and it’s a little too much.

Ashton and I always share a tent, well except last year when I brought Tony with us. We had only been dating a few weeks but I was smitten. My excuse in breaking the “no date at the lake” rule was that we all knew Tony and so it was less like a date and more like just another friend. Unfortunately, with him here I didn’t get my nights at the water. He didn’t understand why I’d want alone time when I could be with him.

Waiting until Ashton is asleep, I quietly walk toward the water. This time of night, the only light that guides me is that of the moon and it’s perfect. I know this land well enough to know it’s safe. This is one of my top five favorite places in our area and it centers me when I need it. Having Ben here is throwing me off and I need this time more than ever.

I pick up a rock and attempt a skip and then another. Only instead of skipping these are tosses. Frustrated tosses. I hate that I brought Tony here to this place that means so much to me. I had always promised myself I wouldn’t blindly share with just anyone the places and things that matter the most to me.

How did I ever think I was in love with him? I wasn’t. I acknowledge that now. I cared about him, but if I loved him like I should have, would I care so little about the breakup? We were together just shy of a year and I can’t even pretend to be sad he’s not in my life anymore. Truthfully, I think I was happy to have someone like him choose me. I believed him when he said he cared and I trusted him with the things that matter the most to me – my friends, my family, and my heart.

It feels empowering to finally admit to myself that I was searching. I’ve always loved the idea of love, something I get from my mother. As I’ve gotten older I realize that my dad leaving her alone to raise a baby did a number on my mom. She’s spent most of my life, and hers, searching for her Prince Charming. Regardless of how many frogs she’s had to kiss, Tessa Lawrence believes her one true love exists.

When I was little she would tell me stories of princes and white knights saving the lonely princess. Even at a young age I knew the princess was her and that the men on white horses she described weren’t the men she actually dated. My mom settled. As an adult I see now that she took attention from whoever was giving it, not necessarily from the men she deserved. Dread hits me like this rock I’m skipping. It’s possible I’ve turned into my mother.

I pick up another rock and, after successfully completing the triple skip and admiring the ripples in the water, I sit down on the shore. Pulling my chin to my knees, I think of all the vows to myself I’ve made over the years. I’m always trying to better myself and not fall into patterns of my past or those of my mother.

Deep in thought, I don’t hear Bentley walk up behind me, nor do I hear him sit down beside me. I’m slightly startled when he begins talking.

“You had a good spin on that rock, Princess. Some awesome guy must have taught you how to skip.”

That comment makes me laugh because, in fact, an awesome guy did teach me to skip rocks. The guy sitting next to me to be precise.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Some weirdo tried to teach me to skip rocks when I was a kid but he wasn’t very good.”

Ben returns the laugh and nudges me with his shoulder. On instinct I lay my head on his shoulder as we both stare out at the lake. The moon is beautiful and the stars are shimmering in the sky like mini beacons. It’s breathtaking.

“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet all night,” he asks me.

I don’t answer right away. The honest truth is I have been quiet. I’m trying to process why every time this man is near me my heart races like it’s making a run for a gold medal. I breathe in the scent that I’ve grown accustomed to. The one that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, sends chills up my spine, and even manages to send tingles between my legs. The scent of the man who has now put his arm around me and pulled me to his side.

“I’m okay, just having a moment,” I finally reply.

“J said you come down here a lot. It’s really peaceful. I can see why you like it.”

I push a stray hair that has fallen in my eye, and as I put my hand back down I realize I have nowhere to put it but on Ben’s leg. I feel him stiffen as I do and I don’t mean his posture. A slight smile takes over my face when I realize that he feels it, too. Somehow, in this crazy world, the one person I share a true connection with, the one person who can make me equally frustrated and happy at the same time, is the person I’m not supposed to feel something for.

We sit like that for a few minutes. I’m nestled into his side with my head on his shoulder and hand on his leg. I feel my eyes becoming heavier and before I can tell Ben that I am going to head to bed a noise startles me, causing me to jump almost directly onto his lap.

“Whoa, it was just a frog.”

“Well, it sounded bigger than a frog.” The defensiveness evident in my reply, I begin to move from his lap, but he puts his hands on my waist.

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I was just teasing.”

I shift my weight so I can begin moving when I hear a rumble from the back of his throat that stops me. Through gritted teeth he looks me in the eye. “Piper, if you don’t want what we already agreed can’t happen again to happen, please stop moving in my lap.”

My eyes go wide as I look down and then quickly up. I’ve never been more grateful for the darkness as I am now. Surely my face a color close to that of my hair.

“Oh, uh. Sorry?”

“Is that a question, Princess?”

Oh, his voice. Down, girlie bits. “No, no. I’m sorry. So I’m going to get up now. If you now want to, I don’t know, think of zombies or something.”

He chuckles as he releases my waist and I stand, brushing off the non-existent dirt from my shorts. Following suit, Ben stands. As I turn to talk away he grabs my hand.

“This is really hard, Piper. I didn’t think it would be, but it is.”

I won’t even pretend to play dumb.