Page 31 of Whiskey & Honey
“Ben…” I don’t manage much more than his name before he releases my hand and places a hand on either side of my face, fingertips in my hair, and thumbs on my cheek. My gaze drifts to his lips as my hands reach his wrists. I want him to kiss me. I need him to kiss me. He’s closing the distance between us and can feel his breath mingling with mine.
“Tell me no, Piper. Tell me to stop.”
“Ben.”
“That’s not no.”
Before I can respond his lips are on mine. His lips are gentle at first, as if he thinks I’ll break. I won’t. I can’t with him. I feel that in my soul.
On instinct, I begin lowering my hands to rest on his hips and my body fits perfectly against him. That must be the invitation he needs because the kiss intensifies as he licks my lower lip. I release a pent-up purr as I open for him. The moment our tongues meet I see stars dancing. The tension in my body releases as a euphoric feeling begins its takeover. From my toes to my ears, I feel my skin tingle and my heart race. It’s an exhilarating ride of feelings. A series of extreme highs that should scare me. Highs that only seem to ground me and have me gripping his shirt like a life line. I feel his left hand on my waist as he holds me to him, keeping me upright. I’m thankful for that move because without it, I think I would fall.
Or, maybe I’m already falling. The moment I have that thought, I feel the tension return and Ben begin to pull back from me. He doesn’t immediately break the kiss. He seems to be savoring it and simply reversing it back to where it began with the gentleness returning. Resting his forehead to mine, we both breathe each other in and I feel like I’m about to cry. What is it with this man and my need to cry?
“Ben,” I say as my hands return to either wrist and I take a small step back.
“Don’t, Piper. Please, don’t say anything.”
As much as I don’t want to, I completely step back from Ben and put distance between us.
“We agreed, Ben. This is a bad idea.”
“No, Piper. We actually didn’t agree that this is a bad idea. We agreed that Ashton is important to both of us and we won’t do anything to hurt her. But what about us, Piper? There’s something between us. We both know it; why should we suffer?”
It seems like an eternity as I stand here, letting his words process. Suffer. That word seems extreme. And accurate. Sighing in frustration, I retreat even farther. Not only in space but within my heart.
Distance.
I need distance and yet with each step I take, he follows.
“You’re right.”
That statement stills him.
“Ashton is important to me. She is the best friend I’ve ever had, Ben. I won’t do anything that may jeopardize that.”
Ben seems to also be processing. The difference between him and me is that when I process I am serious and quiet. When Bentley Sullivan processes, he smiles and tries to hold hands.
I attempt to tug my hand back but he doesn’t let me as I continue.
“Tell me, Ben, what happens after we hook up? We’ll go on a few dates? Maybe hang out? Sure, that sounds great. Then you’ll realize I’m boring and not worth the effort. Regardless of what happens, it is bound to get awkward.”
The smile is gone.
“And when Ashton feels like she has to choose? What then? No. I won’t do it and you shouldn’t ask me to.”
Congratulations to me, I said all of that without crying. High five, self.
Now it’s Ben’s turn to sigh in frustration as he drops my hand.
Finally.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Why do you put yourself down?”
Before I can respond he has taken both of my hands and attempts to tug me toward him. This time I’m ready. Taking my hands back, I wrap them around myself while taking a small step back.