Page 75 of Chasing Mr. Prefect
But please know I really am not proud of all the things I did to you and if I could, I would take them back.”
“Don’t,” she said, shaking her head.
“I’m really sorry. Taking it out on you, on your mom, on my dad… It’s been my way of letting out my grief. The same grief that ate me up. I refused to let go of the pain, and after years of carrying it around, Ibecameit.”
Saying that was both therapeutic and painful. I had enough time to process it by now so I knew what to say this time around. I could not help but wish I had become aware of it much earlier.
“I treated you as badly as possible, made your everyday lives a struggle to the best of my ability. But all you gave me in exchange was…love. Ugh. Why? You could have hurt me back. Yelled at me, too. But you didn’t. None of you did, even if I deserved it.”
“We understood. You needed that. None of that was right but what you’re doing now is a pretty good start.”
“I don’t deserve any of you,” I said. “And like I said, I’m not going to dare ask for forgiveness for all the other birthdays I screwed up. But I can promise to get you all the books you want on each birthday going forward, and that I won’t be that evil witch anymore to make up for it. I’ll make sure to make it up to your mom too. Returning all that love is going to take a few more years, though. So please bear with me. I am trying.”
“You got me at books,” Liana joked, her eyes glistening with tears. I felt my own tears sting. “Can I have that hug now, please?”
“Fine, just this once,” I mumbled, coming off my stool to hug her first as I didn’t want to withhold the one thing she had asked for. She started giggling and I followed suit. “Can I have Melba back, too?” I asked as we let go.
“We’re going to have to ask her. You threw her on the floor, after all.”
“Okay. Ewww. This is way too much affection and kindness for one day,” I said because it was getting too serious.
Liana let me go. “Thank you, Vinnie. I needed that.”
“We both did,” I said, feeling much lighter now.
I realized how love and forgiveness had been there all along and the only thing I needed to do was ask.
CHAPTER 33
There was one more person I needed to talk to and I got to work that weekend.
Liana set up dinner plans for herself and Tita Cris last minute so I could talk to my dad alone on Saturday. Dad had a thing at work but he readily agreed to take me to dinner that night.
I chose a nearby branch of this Chinoy restaurant we liked. As it was a Saturday, it took a while before we got seats but I wasted no time ordering when we got to our seats so I could get on it.
“Gutom, ‘nak?” Dad said carefully. “You ordered…a lot?”
“Yes. I mean, we order the same set every time. I know it by heart now. We can take some left overs for Liana and Cris,” I said, a little nervous. “Anyway. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
The waiter arrived with the entree—fried wontons—and my dad seemed glad at the distraction.
“Has Cholo given you the plane ticket?” Dad asked now, clearing his throat. “I knew you were saving up but I felt bad about not being happy when you told me the suspension was turned around.”
“Yes, he has. Thank you, Dad,” I said. “But that’s not what this is about. I apologized to Liana last night.”
Dad blinked at me, momentarily forgetting his dimsum.
“You see, all these years, I’ve been so angry, and Liana has been bearing the brunt of that anger,” I began, a lump forming in my throat. All traces of the jokes we just exchanged vanished, replaced by a tension that was felt despite the noise in the restaurant.
“But all that time… I wasn’t mad at her. I was mad at you.”
I looked down, sighing.
“Your tita wanted to reach out to you but it was me who took my sweet time to have that conversation. I’m sorry.”
“I know, Dad. Though it doesn’t warrant the hostility and all that crap I put all of you through.”
“You were a child. You didn’t know any better. It was me who should have known better,” he said, leaning on the table. “I should have talked to you about your mom’s passing but I let my indecision take over. I kept putting it off, thinking maybe you just needed space. But here we were more than a decade later, me giving myself the same excuses at the expense of all of you.”