Page 76 of Chasing Mr. Prefect

I tried to bite down hard on what I wanted to say but I felt I owed it to my inner child to say it anyway.

“You didn’t seem so indecisive when you decided to get married again, yeah?” I said, trying to smile to lighten the moment, to show him that I hadn’t meant it to sting, but from the look on his face, I might as well have slapped him. The rest of the food arrived, and it bought me time to organize my thoughts.

“For the record, I didn’t want you to grieve forever, Dad. But I wish it wasn’t so sudden. I wish you tried and didn’t sweep it all under the rug. I know, I was six, I wouldn’t have understood had you tried to tell me then about why Tita Cris and Liana would be moving in a year after mom passed. But what aboutfive years after that? Or when I turned eighteen? You had plenty of chances.”

“I know. But you were so angry.”

“You mean I wasfurious,” I corrected. “I came home one day and I suddenly had to share my toys. I watched you laugh with Tita Cris and go around the house like nothing happened. I felt so alone, Dad. I kept thinking, was I the only one grieving? Was I the only one who knew Mom? Was I the only person who remembered her anymore?”

“No, anak.”

“You know, I kept wondering, how come it was so easy for you? How come you were going around like you just bought a new car to replace an old one? How come you could talk to Liana about our bullies and her grades when you couldn’t even ask me about my day, when I was sure you knew that my world was falling apart?”

I looked away and decided to distract myself by the hot stone pot containing my braised beef soup. Taking the soy sauce and chili mixture, I poured the whole saucer in and stirred the toppings with it.

“You wouldn’t even talk to me, anak. It was hard for me, too. I didn’t know how to approach you because every time I did, or your Tita Cris did, you threw a fit. On your seventh birthday, we tried so hard to get to you but you were so mad at us that in your haste to get away you ran, fell, and hit your head on concrete,” he explained. “No fault of yours, you were a child and you didn’t know how to deal with things yet. I wanted to try again but letting you be was the only way we could keep the peace.”

I looked down, remembering that instance. They had a party for me and I hated it. I did not want to blow my candles and when my dad carried me to my cake to appease the guests, I wriggled off his grasp, ran for my life, and then slipped on arandom party favor some other kid left on the floor. I had face-planted on the front yard pavement.

“I thought we’d try to explain when you entered your teens but things became worse. I’d get called to your school around the time of your mother’s death anniversary. You drifted further away from us and I didn’t feel like I knew you anymore. I was afraid if I forced it you’d do something even more dangerous. So I kept my distance and waited for the time you’d be okay.”

I let out a huge sigh.

“So that was the plan? Wait for me to be okay and coexist peacefully with this new setup and completely move on. Maybe. If Vinnie was going to wake up one day and finally stop acting up and just cooperate. Was that the plan?”

My dad paused.

“Clearly, I should have known better. I’m sorry, anak. I should have had a better plan, instead of leaving you to your own devices.”

I blinked my tears back, chastising myself. I’d been so tough holding on to my anger these past few years. Now that I was getting an apology and an explanation, it did not feel right to suddenly get so vulnerable.

“I felt like I didn’t even have you on my side most of the time. Or anyone. Remember when Tita Cris and Yaya had a fight? I begged you not to let Yaya go. She was the only other person who I was able to talk to. And you let her go because she pissed Tita Cris off.”

“I let her go because she was telling you lies.”

“What lies? The part when she said you and Cris were a thing before Mom and you were just picking up where you left off?”

My dad let out a frustrated sigh. “That was a lie.”

“How so?”

“Your Tita Cris and I were never a thing.”

“But you married her!” I said, indignant.

“I did not,” he said.

“What?” It was the only thing I could manage.

“The master’s bedroom. That was renovated. There are two rooms in there now. I can show you when we get home,” he said. I blinked and my tears just fell one after another. “Cris and I never married. It was your mother’s idea to move them in.”

The statement hit me like a speeding train.

“Your mom was dying. She knew she had only months left. Cris and Liana were next door, struggling with finances, because Liana’s dad flew abroad and stopped supporting them,” he continued. “They were about to lose the house and we were about to lose your mom. She asked me to move them in and she asked your Tita Cris to look after you. She didn’t want you to grow up without a mother.”

I bit my lip to keep from letting out a sob and instead cried into my noodle soup pot.

“I couldn’t believe it either. Your Tita and I only talked after the funeral, not realizing your mom had been giving us both instructions. Cris initially refused during that first year but it was either they moved in or became homeless. On the other hand, I didn’t know the first thing about raising a child. It made sense back then.”