Page 77 of Chasing Mr. Prefect
I felt sick to my stomach. I stuffed my face with noodles, feeling ashamed of myself and how I had acted the past few years. I felt so guilty knowing what I know now and every single time that I gave my family grief played in high definition inside my head.
The fact that I gave him hell whenever my dad tried to explain it to me made it feel a hundred times worse.
“I’m sorry I didn’t try harder. I’m sorry I didn’t put my foot down and that I wasn’t the parent you needed me to be,” he said. “But your mother was one step ahead and knew better. She didn’t want her child to be motherless nor did she want to let herbest friend end up on the streets. We honored her wishes and told everyone we got married to avoid awkward questions.”
“Does Liana know about this?” I asked through my tears.
“No.”
That made it worse. Our parents were wrong for lying, I was wrong for acting out and Liana who did not even get a say in anything and had no idea what went on had to live with it. She sat quietly and took everything I threw in her direction.
“I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry, Dad.”
“No. I should be sorry, anak. I take full responsibility. I’m sorry it came to this. I apologize for letting it get this bad, but I didn’t know how to deal with my own grief either until now. If you want to blame anyone or get mad, blame me. Cris and Liana—they had nothing to do with it. This is all on me.”
I was not a hugger but at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be a child again and jump into my dad’s arms.
“I’m sorry, too,” I finally managed when my little sobs turned into hiccups. “I don’t know what to do to make it right.”
“It’s me who needs to make this right,” he said. “But I will need your help figuring this out so I can do right by all of you this time around.”
When I tucked into my bed later that night after we got home, I let myself cry and be vulnerable as much as I wanted. Then came exhaustion, and with it, the realization that maybe—just maybe—I did not have to be so angry anymore.
Maybe after this, I could hope for better days to come. I could hope that Cholo, like my family, could have the heart to forgive me, too.
Maybe hope did not have to be such a scary thing for much longer.
CHAPTER 34
Cholo attended class after that weekend but I did not have the guts to face him.
The fact that he was in every single one of my classes should have made it easier but I chickened out every time. I made it a point to come in a little later than everyone so I could sit in the back and Cholo did not show any indication whatsoever that he was bothered by the empty seat beside him in every period.
I also looked like crap for having no sleep over the last few days as I tried to finish all the videos that Miss Co had asked for. After my last class, I went straight to her office to show her my hard work and it seemed the effort was worth it. She watched everything, nodded approvingly, and then folded my laptop to size me up.
“Good work. When’s your interview scheduled?”
“Next Tuesday.”
“Oh, right after Ephemere,” Miss Co said thoughtfully. “Good luck, then. You’re done with one out of three. See you on Saturday.”
I just nodded and left.
Dinner was amazing,courtesy of my stepmom, but I hardly touched the plate of paella negra I was served. I really wanted to eat, seeing how Cris was excited about it but I did not have any energy nor appetite left. Dad came to my rescue, able to sense that I was just a few minutes short of falling asleep right there on the table so he explained to Cris that I was not feeling well. They let me come upstairs early to catch some zzz’s.
I was just about to hit the sack when Liana barged inside my room, jumping in glee.
“What now?” I said, cranky because of sleepiness.
“Summer Tiu’s in trouble!” she screeched and it was so loud I half-expected our parents to run up here thinking I pushed Liana off the roof or something.
“What?”
“She copied off someone on that 115 exam your block had last week,” Liana said, jumping into the bed with me. “Someone ratted her out. Look!”
She handed me her tablet, which was showing an official-looking article that had the university logo on it. My eyes widened with every sentence. It sounded formal and was in essence condemning the act in its many paragraphs.
“Wow, she’s screwed,” I said, handing the tablet back, not even able to digest the details even after reading. “What’s going to happen to her?”