Page 68 of Restoration

I gulp. “Yeah. I know it is.”

“Do you...?” He makes a weird guttural sound. “Do you still want to quit?”

My heart drops since this isn’t the question I wanted him to ask. “Yes. I think I need to. I think that’s... that’s best for both of us. That hasn’t changed.”

“Okay.”

“So I thought... I thought I should probably leave tomorrow and move back in with my parents. Then I can work on going back to grad school or get a job or... or something. I need to start my life again.”

“I know you do.” There’s a subdued texture to his voice that I can’t really recognize. I can’t see his expression in the dark, and I wish I could. “I realize I was... I was trapping you here with me because I needed you so much, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“You weren’t trapping me. It was my fault.”

“It was my fault too. I relied on you too much. So I want you to do exactly what you want. I want you to have everything you’ve dreamed of.”

I’ve dreamed of a life with him, but that’s clearly not what’s being offered here. He’s trying to be good. Unselfish. Which means willingly giving me up as his assistant and wishing the best for me.

Nothing more.

I have to fight to keep my voice from wobbling. “What will you do?”

“I... I have no idea. But I’ll figure it out. I’ll be okay. I think... I think I can do better than I did before.”

“I know you’ll be okay. You’ll be better than okay. We... we both can be.” My voice does break on the last words, but there’s no way I can help it.

He doesn’t question the emotion. Instead, he leans down so he can kiss me softly. “Can I have one more night with you, Autumn?”

I wrap both arms around him. “Yes please. That’s what I want.”

We don’t speak anymore. He kisses me again, and this one lasts for a long time. His lips move urgently against mine, his tongue deep in my mouth. Soon he starts growing hard against my middle and gently pumps his hips against me.

My hands are moving down his back, to his butt, and then up to tangle in his hair. As I grow more and more aroused, I start to rock up into his weight.

It’s sensual and emotional and achingly bittersweet as he finally pushes my gown up and pulls out his erection so he can fit himself inside me.

I fold up my legs on either side of his hips to shift the angle and bring him deeper. He’s big and full and snug inside me—so perfect and so familiar. I hold on to his firm butt cheeks, feeling the tight muscles flexing as he begins to thrust.

He goes slowly at first, and we kiss the whole time. I hold on tight with my arms, legs, and inner muscles because it feels like he’s about to slip away from me.

Eventually he can no longer hold the steady rhythm. His hips accelerate. His back and shoulders tense up. He breaks the kiss and pants against my skin.

I’m panting too. As pleasure and need rise inside me, I drag my fingernails down his back. I grind against his hard thrusts to intensify the sensations.

We were both loud and uninhibited when we had sex on the island, but we’re almost silent tonight other than the accelerating texture of our breathing and the bouncing of the mattress. When my climax breaks and my channel spasms around him, I let out a soft, broken moan.

In less than a minute, he jerks himself out of me and squeezes his erection between our bodies as he comes too in tight shudders and raspy sounds.

We lie together afterward, holding each other urgently. His face is buried against my neck, and his heart is beating so fast and hard that I can feel it.

He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I. We both know what just happened is goodbye.

It’s goodbye.

Eventually his body grows heavy. I’m wet and sloppy between my legs from my own arousal and on my belly from his release. My chest is aching, and there’s so much going on in my head it feels like it might explode.

But I just don’t want to let him go.

Finally he manages to lift his head. I still can’t see his expression in the dark room, and it’s just as well.