Page 15 of Alfie: Part One
“I’ve told Finn you’re not lookin’ to get initiated,” Kellan mentioned.
Okay, good. “Probably for the best,” I said politely. “I’m in a position where I can’t and won’t take too many risks.”
“We’ll get back to that later,” Finn said. “What’re you looking for? You’ve been working for Kellan for three or four years?”
“Almost four,” Kellan confirmed.
I took a breath, unsure if this was a job interview or Finn interrogating me to see if I posed a threat. Maybe a combination of both.
“When I was married, I couldn’t do a whole lot,” I admitted. “I was lying enough as it was, but…I’m single now, so…” I shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m looking for, to be honest. I just know I wouldn’t mind a bit more responsibility.”
Finn nodded slowly, thinking. His gaze shifted to the coffee table, where he eyed our crap bowl. One of my cousins’ kids had made it for me, and Ellie and I kept it filled with shit we were toolazy to tidy up. Hair ties, nail clippers, change, a couple erasers and crayons, and two remotes.
“I know where your head’s at, mate,” Kellan said quietly. “Before you go there, maybe we should discuss the initiation. Because I think Alfie’s idea of it is fucked up.”
I furrowed my brow.
Finn chuckled under his breath. “So you said earlier.” He looked my way. “This isn’t the Cosa Nostra. We have our own code of conduct, and it’s both more lenient and stricter than whatever the fuck the Italians do. We’re about family. We do lie to our loved ones, but there’s no fuckin’ hazing to join. These days, you don’t gotta ice someone in order for us to know you’re with us.” He paused. “You’re with us until we find out you’re not, and then we deal with the problem.”
Shit suddenly got real.
“That’s…honest.” I cleared my throat.
He smiled. “Is it? What have I said, specifically? My hands are clean.”
He hadn’t said a damn thing, but he couldn’t be clearer either. Finnegan O’Shea wasn’t a rookie. Having dealt with Kellan’s work for a few years now, I knew Finn could count the people he trusted on one hand, and he wouldn’t be so open here today if it weren’t for the fact that Kellan had vouched for me.
So…my guess, based on what Finn had said…? The Sons didn’t mind giving someone a shot. But if that man failed and betrayed the syndicate, his mother was about to cry at a funeral.
“What I will say,” he went on, “is that you can’t have it both ways. You’re either in or you’re out. And that’s not an offer—yet. But if you want more responsibility—if you want Ford to bring you outta hiding—you have to prove yourself, and you have to work toward becoming a Son.”
Kellan leaned forward a bit. “I respect you, Alfie, and we’ve known each other a long time. It’s why I’m telling you that we’relooking into your past. And if shit checks out, we hope you join us.”
Jesus Christ. I supposed I shouldn’t be surprised they were doing their own research.
Finn wasn’t done either. “As my cousin, you can secure a spot both in the syndicate and the family. It’s something I know Liam will agree with. I’m seeing him next week, and I will tell him about you.”
Was that a threat or a promise?
Fuck me, I didn’t know what to say. Or to think. I scrubbed a hand over my mouth and started bouncing my knee, and a whole new world opened up before my eyes. One I’d never asked for. More family? Being a part ofFinn’sfamily?
I was trying to get away from the lies, not create a new mountain of them. Fuck, imagine telling my mom about this…?Hey, Ma, we’re invited to cousin Finn’s house for a barbecue!Shite. She’d have a stroke. So, what, I’d have to lie to her and split my life in two again? Which had already exhausted me once. I wasn’t looking to do it again.
At the same time, a part of me wanted this. I couldn’t deny that there was a kid buried deep inside me who’d wondered, for so many years, what it would be like to be accepted by the family who’d once spent money to keep me hidden. I mean, that’s what John had done. Not Finnegan. Not Liam. So I’d watched them from afar. Growing up, going to church, sitting with Ma in the back, I’d seen the O’Sheas and occasionally the Murrays. I’d picked up gossip and stories. At some point, Finnegan and his brother had been shipped off to boarding school in England or something. Many of the higher-ups in the Sons had attended the same school. I’d heard about the charity work the women organized, Grace at the forefront.
As a young child, I’d seen these well-dressed men and women—the ones my mother had avoided. The ones she’d takena detour with me to not get close to. And I’d seen their children running around after the service.
As a teenager, I’d observed the joking, the hell-raising, and the start of a new generation’s problems. I’d seen a mother catch her son smoking a cigarette behind the church one Easter.
As a grown man, I’d done Ma a favor once, and I’d dropped off clothes for the next coat drive, only to arrive at the memorial for one Patrick O’Shea. Finn’s brother had been murdered somewhere in Europe, and he’d been buried in Ireland. But Father O’Malley, the man who’d baptized me, had hosted a memorial service for Patrick at our local church.
And I’d always wondered… Beneath the layers of contempt and envy… What it would be like to be included in their big family.
Despite the silence stretching on, both Finn and Kellan were watching me, waiting for a response. They weren’t the type of men who’d give me a break by saying I could think things over. They wanted my thoughts on the matter, and I was gearing up to admit—fuck, something…when I heard a series of rapid knocks on the door. Quickly followed by someone tugging on the door handle.
“Daddy, open up! It’s us!”
Holy shit, it was Ellie.