Page 85 of Alfie: Part One
I dug deep within myself to find any traces of anger, and they were still gone. Evaporated.
I was under no illusions; the anger would be back eventually, maybe once I’d rested properly, but we’d still had a breakthrough last night. A major one. He’d offered me more details, and I was desperate to believe him. I was fairly certain I did. Partly because he’d been honest enough to tell me there were things he wouldn’t share. It hadn’t been a tell-all to placate me. He’d met me halfway, and we’d…started building up our trust again.
Which was terrifying.
With trust came hope and stupid wishes. Wistfulness and yearning and…
I exhaled and closed my eyes briefly.
There was no way I could go down that road again. It was bad enough that I still loved the son of a bitch beyond measure.
Was it even possible for me to move on? If I hadn’t succeeded when I’d been furious and high on hurt, how could I possibly get anywhere when I was starting to see him in a new light? One that wasn’t colored by betrayal and miscommunication.
Perhaps it was a good thing he was suddenly a mobster.
I would eventually come to accept it—if what he’d told me was true, that he wouldn’t be near danger. And considering he’d brought home a teenager because of his bleeding heart gave me enough hope. That bleeding heart was big. Alfie was a good man. He cared deeply, and he hadn’t lost his morals completely.
That said…
I couldn’t share my life with a criminal. I just couldn’t.
I had to draw a line somewhere, and regardless of how I’d felt last night when he’d told me about his priorities—how he cared only for his family and community—it wasn’t right. My reactionhadn’t been right either. I’d felt ridiculously attracted in that moment, and I could barely believe myself.
As decent citizens, we were supposed to care enough to want what was best for everyone, right? Not only our closest.
It would do me no good to even entertain fantasies about him.
I glanced over at the pool and found my reprieve in watching Trip. My sweet boy. He was just floating around on his back, with a smile on his face and eyes closed.
He loved the water so much.
At this point, we were on our fifth bottle of sunscreen.
“You’re welcome to cool off in the water too,” I mentioned to Colby. “I’m sure we can find a pair of shorts that will fit.”
I’d noticed he was eyeing the pool as he ate.
“I better not,” he said. “If the boss wakes up and says we’re leaving, I wanna be ready.”
I didn’t want them to leave. I wasn’t ready to see Alfie off after everything we’d talked about last night. Plus, he’d take the kids with him. It was still his week until tomorrow afternoon.
Just moments later, I heard the door slide open behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to regret it. Mother of Christ, he was only wearing a pair of low-riding sweatpants and a bed head. So much ink and so many abs on full display.
That infuriating little fuckknuckle.
“Morning.” He squinted and rubbed one of his eyes.
I cleared my throat and faced forward again. “Good morning.”
“Morning, boss,” Colby said.
“Kid, it’s Alfie,” I heard him reply. “Finn’s the boss.”
“Daddy! You’re up! You slept here!” Ellie had entered the chat. She threw aside the blanket and darted toward Alfie, who chuckled and met up with her at the edge of the terrace. “Hiii!”
“Hi, baby girl.” He picked her up.
“Dad!” Trip called, looking toward Alfie. “Can you swim with me?”